
Blog Post #21
By: Lisa H.
Here is something I wrote a little over 3 years ago. It was right when Korea changed the rules for international adoption.
"I rarely say much about this. All-in-all I think it's a great step for South Korea and their children.
Now that being said, I know this article is old, but this part of it bothers me some;
"While adoption is considered as a way to carry out spirit of noblesse
oblige or giving help to society abroad, Koreans tend to choose
adoption for getting pure joy of rearing children,''' said Cho Min-hye,
an official at the Mission to Promote Adoption in Korea."
I believe, and this is only my opinion, that the vast majority of
adoptive parents abroad do not at all view adoption, from any country,
as "noblesse oblige or giving help to society abroad". Yes, there is
publicity on occasion of the Hollywood folks adopting and mentioning
this, but most of us 'regular' families do not view adoption in that
regard.
To be honest, our family has NEVER viewed the adoption of our two South
Korean born daughters as saving a child or helping anyone. The only way
we've viewed it is that we prayed for more children, couldn't have them
biologically anymore due to reasons of a personal nature, and we truly
believe they just happened to be born in Korea. We love our daughters
as much as we would if they were biologically born to us. And yes, as
any other family who continues to give birth to additional children, we
wanted more for the joy of raising them.
I hope that the wonderful people living in South Korea, our daughter's
homeland and a piece of our hearts, understand the reasons behind most
adoptions abroad. They are, very much, for the love of our children as
they are, "our children"."
I wrote this on the heels of coming changes to Korean adoption in 2007.
After we adopted our second daughter Korea felt it was better for
children to not be referred abroad until they were 5 months old. This,
they felt, would give the babies time to be adopted by Korean families,
domestically. The rate of Korean adoptions, within the country, was
rising so it made sense. Supposedly, this rule was not going to apply
to special needs children. They were going to be allowed to be referred
inter-country, sooner than 5 months, because children considered
special needs had an extremely low rate of adoption within Korea. I’ve
seen very few that were allowed to be referred prior to 5 months,
special needs or not, over the past 3 years. There are now articles
from Korean newspapers such as this one
http://www.koreatimes.co.kr/www/news/nation/2010/02/117_60790.html
Adoption is second best for the children. It’s best, if possible, to
remain in an intact family, but there are so many things that keep this
from happening. It doesn’t matter what country, it’s just the way it
is. It probably is best for children to remain in their birth country.
I honestly don’t know. I’ve never read an article from an adult
domestic adoptee. The truth is that children are adopted from the US to
other countries as well. It depends on acceptance. Sadly, media shows
they are African-American children as the majority. But, maybe it isn’t
so sad if they find the home and country they are accepted in, by their
family and for the interracial family that they may now exist in?
There’s no hard-fast, right or wrong. In the end, all that should
matter is what’s best for the kids. Once they are relinquished for
adoption it becomes about the child.
So, if a child is determined to have potential special needs or does
have existing special needs and statistics are showing that they will
not be adopted within the country, is it best for them to be referred
to another country where there are ample families ready and waiting
with the ability to care for and love that child? I think so. Healthy
babies are adopted domestically. So, is that best for the child…I think
so. I think the point is to find a baby/child the best possible family
for them as quickly as possible. The quicker they are adopted the more
time for adjustment for the child to the new family and possible
environment. Stopping adoptions scares me honestly. This is what Korean
government is discussing and has been for some time. What if this
causes babies/children to remain in orphanages after relinquishment
because there aren’t enough foster homes to go around? This is not in
the best interest of a child. It’s never been in
the best interest to grow up in an institution anywhere. While, I hope
that more children are adopted domestically and the barriers that
prevent or discourage this are torn down, I hope that the children who
are not chosen do not suffer for it and still find their forever
families as quickly as possible. Sadly, as my own country has not found
a good solution to this, I’m not sure it’s possible. I hope Korea finds
a better solution to children without parents than the US. Our foster
care system leaves something greatly to be desired and I don’t,
honestly, feel it is always geared towards the best interested of the
children.
These, of course, are just my opinions, but as an adoptive parent that
greatly loves her children I can’t imagine any one of them staying in
Korea and living their lives out in an orphanage purely because they
were (2 were determined) determined special needs and therefore not
allowed, in essence, to be adopted. I pray that Korea still holds the
importance of keeping biology intact, if possible. I can’t imagine that
just because international adoptions halt, biological siblings may not
have the chance to be together as ours were kept together. I cry just
thinking about my baby boy not being here for me to have the honor of
loving and he and his sister being together everyday of their lives.
They get to know each other and I am beyond thankful to Korea for this
and putting our children first after relinquishment. He is our only
child that would be considered healthy, so they only thing that may
have prevented him from being adopted domestically
was being a boy.
The last time, a couple of years ago, we went to a university event for
Asian Affairs we were cornered by a Korean man who was there with his
wife, who was a visiting scholar to the university. The president
invited us as he is Korean-American and the barbeque was open to anyone
Korean, including our children. When he cornered me he began raising
his voice at me for stealing Korea’s children….our daughters. He saw
that we already had two biological children and didn’t feel it was
necessary for us to take the girls too. I tried to explain that they
were born with special needs and what Korea considered issues and were
not deemed adoptable in country. But, on the outside, our girls appear
perfectly perfect. No one knows all the things that caused them to be
labeled this way in Korea. We don’t give out all the details of our
girls because they are theirs. I guess the point is that it’s hard for
us too.
Adoption can be such a balancing act. Balancing what is best for the
kids and actually making it work. I can’t imagine a country that
doesn’t struggle with it. It’s too difficult of a situation not to. I
just hope that, in the end, all children find what makes them happy.