Sleep Training...

Dear Jeanie...

"I have the hardest time training my nine month old boy to sleep.
Every time I try to start sleep training, he gets sick. Then the pediatrician says to dump the sleep training for now and comfort him. To make long story short, he's been sick so many times that he's so use to being carried. I have a hard time putting him down in his crib, let alone getting him to take proper naps/sleep. He's nine months old and he still can't sleep thru the night. =( Help!! What am I doing wrong??"

Posted by: Rosa | 02/02/2010 at 04:09 PM

Jeanie says...

Dear Rosa,

First of all, you're doing nothing wrong!!!  This happens and babies get sick all the time so that can't be helped.  It is hard when you're trying to sleep train or schedule your baby and he/she gets sick.  Then all your hard work could go down the drain, but you have to keep at it and be consistent and strong.  Babies can sense your weakness.  If he senses you feel bad putting him down in his crib and not holding him - of course, he'll cry.  At this point, you will have to work a little extra harder since he's 9 months old.  And yes, he should indeed be sleeping through the night for sure!  We'll get him there!

Let's start with his naptime. After you go through his routine of changing his diaper (etc) -   cuddle with him for a few minutes and sing him a song or read his favorite book.  Basically, you want him to be relaxed and calm.  Then, hold him for a while soothing him and getting him sleepy.  But don't get him to fall asleep!  Just hold him long enough where he thinks you'll be holding him until he falls asleep.  Yes, you'll trick him!  While he's still awake, but sleepy - go ahead and put him in his crib.  Pat him on the back and say "night night" and leave the room and close the door!  Yes, he'll cry!  Let him cry for 15 minutes.  It'll seem like 15 years.  But it's not hurting him, okay?  If he's still crying at the 15 min mark, go back in BUT DO NOT PICK HIM UP.  Just pat him on the back again until he calms down and soothe him.  You can even sing to him, etc. 

Once he has calmed down, leave the room again!  He may cry again and he may cry for another 15 mins.  This is the hard part.  You may be doing this the entire naptime the first go-round.  But his crying will diminsh and slow down until he eventually learns to put himself to sleep on his own.  Even if he has to cry it out before falling asleep - that's okay!  My daughter always cried a little bit when she was going to bed until she was two years, but that was her way of soothing herself.  I just got used to the crying!

Now, he may not nap at all the first time you do this.  You'll have to accept that.  Try this  same routine at bedtime the same day.  He will be tired and shouldn't cry as long.  But do the same thing!  Through it all, you have to remain strong.  Think of how much it will benefit him when he can sleep better and more soundly by learning how to soothe himself to sleep!!!  And, I'll tell you that once he has figured out how to soothe himself to sleep and get himself to sleep on his own, he will sleep through the night!

Many moms have no problem being strict with naptime and bedtime, but they have a hard time sticking to it and remaining consistent with it because they feel bad and can't handle the crying.  Your baby won't remember how much he cried.  This training has to start at a young age (NOW!) because it will establish good sleep habits for the future when he gets older.  You will definitely see the fruit of your labor in years to come and appreciate you did this.  In retrospect, letting him cry it out for a few days is nothing when it means instilling good sleep habits for his future.

Once he has learned to cry himself to sleep at naptime and bedtime, he will learn how to do this in the middle of the night.  Right now, he's probably waking up at night because he just doesn't know how to put himself back to sleep since he's been held so much.  For the first night, let him cry it out for 15 mins as well.  Then do the same as I mentioned above.  Go in and comfort him, but do not pick him up!  Once he's calm, leave the room.  You may have to continue this, but his crying will subside.  Now, I will say you will be extremely tired the first couple days doing this but think of the result:  your son will be sleeping through the night and falling asleep on his own.  By week's end, he should get it!

Comments

[Linda Quarles]

Hi Jeanie, it's me Linda Q :) Great to see you here giving out advice, I know you're a fabulous mom.

Another piece of advice for this mom is if you do decide to do this method, and it's really hard for you to hear the crying, turn off the monitor for the 15 minutes or go to a part of the house where you cannot hear baby so as not to torture yourself. Also, there is usually one parent that might be less likely to cave so at night send the other parent to the guest room, not involved in the training so they don't feel the temptation to go in and rescue crying baby. Oftentimes that means dad might end up doing the sleep training which is just as well.

You will be suprised - it should take 2-3 days for the baby to get sleep trained if you do stick with it.

Also, Jeanie's method is a great one but there are a few other good sleep training methods but the main point is to choose one and STICK TO IT until the baby gets it. Don't switch to another method the 2nd night because you will be starting all over again.