By: Lisa H.
I don’t talk about this a lot, yet I feel it’s an important issue in a lot of American households. I get the idea it’s not common in other countries since Korea questioned us so much regarding it. I think it’s just a cultural difference and we probably do over-diagnose here.
ADHD- attention deficit hyperactivity disorder. Our 12 year old has ADHD. He was diagnosed at age 7 after 2 ½ long years in school spent getting in trouble. ADHD isn’t just getting bad grades because a child can’t focus; it causes them to fidget, chitchat, walk around, etc. during class and other occasions when stillness is preferred. It can be difficult to diagnose if the teachers aren’t on-board to help. In our case the teacher thought we were being bad parents who didn’t discipline for inappropriate behavior. It wasn’t terrible, but it was disruptive. When I finally demanded a meeting in 2nd grade after multiple complaints by the teacher, I brought my other two kids with me and the teacher commented on how well behaved they were during the meeting. At this very meeting I asked if we could get him observed for ADHD after speaking with a psychologist. They were pretty closed to the idea. She just kept telling me his problems. I let her know that I understood he was making bad choices, but we were already disciplining him at home. She and I would need to work together if we wanted to make any more progress.
Another teacher that was in on the meeting spoke up and told me that she had been observing another child and that Cole was walking around the room most of the day. The teacher had never told me about this. She said it wasn’t a problem since he always knew the answers when she got to him. I then told her that this was a symptom or sign of ADHD. In the end, I asked to have a behavioral IEP put in place for him. When they refused because they had never heard of one, I called the state (since it was a public school). They quickly agreed to look into it. While he didn’t qualify for a full IEP, he did get diagnosed with ADHD and we were then able to take that and use that information to get them to work with us more. I was able to, with the psychologist’s advice, get her to work out a plan with us for him. We came up with 8 behavioral objectives for him for each day. He was fairly goal oriented, at the time, so we felt this to be best. She would mark off each one he accomplished each day, initial it and send it home for us to initial that we saw it. After 2 months, he had been doing very well and we narrowed it down to 4 objectives.
When he entered 3rd grade just over 6 months later we spoke to the new teacher about what we had done in 2nd grade. She said if he wanted to bring it with him into 3rd and she was fine with it. He did want to and by 2 months in she no longer felt it was necessary. We all spoke to Cole and he agreed. She was an awesome teacher, by the way. She really made a good impact on his life. He was not ‘cured’ of ADHD. He still struggles. But, it’s gotten better and he’s learning control as he gets older. This 3rd grade teacher was just what he needed to feel good about himself too. Low self-esteem can be a side effect of ADD/ADHD. He had that for sure. He still does to an extent, but it’s not near what it used to be from being labeled a trouble child. I will never forget our first conference with Mrs. Brown, the 3rd grade teacher. She said we were ‘doing a great job of parenting a high spirited child’. First, to be told we were
actually doing a great job of parenting him was so wonderful to hear for once. We’d been made to feel so bad in the past due to his behavior. And to hear her say ‘high spirited’, sounded so much nicer. She really enjoyed his spirit and he loved her.
So, here we are, in 7th grade now. He’s a different kid. Some of it was maturity as we’d been hoping for. Some of it, though, was just his ADHD. It wasn’t as bad as some kids. Like other diseases it has a spectrum. We did not want to medicate unless there was no other choice. And when I felt at my lowest and felt like giving in and getting him evaluated for the meds my mom would remind me of just how stubborn I am and that I will never give up on him. While, some days, it would have been SO much easier to just get him some meds I’m glad we chose not to. I’m not saying never. I don’t know if it will cause him more or less issues as he gets older or not. But, for now, I’m remaining stubborn to it.
And yes we got a lot of shocked faces from the school when we told them we were not medicating. We gave them our reasons why on top of his heart defect being one of them. I don’t care what they think. We only care about what we feel is best for him. So, we’ll keep at it and keep revising how we parent him when necessary. We will do anything to help him through.
This is just a snapshot of our experience with ADHD. It's a road we're still on.
Read more posts by Lisa HERE.
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