Korea's Questions and Answers

Blog Post #20
By: Lisa H.

The first time, and so far only time, I’ve set foot on Korean soil was in May 2009 when my friend and I brought my daughters to Korea to pick up my son. Our daughters arrived in the United States via agency escorts. This was a trip our 7 year old and I had talked about making since she was 3, so we could experience it for the first time together.

Downtown Seoul, Korea

She has always talked about Korea. She and I even set up a savings account to throw a little money in here and there, to save to go. We planned to go before she was a teenager and we would need all those years to save. When we got the call that our daughter had a little brother in Korea we emptied that travel account to pay for our adoption trip instead.

Kaelin has always talked about her thoughts of her Korean mother very openly. She has always asked questions. “What does she look like?”, etc. All of the questions you might wonder if you had never seen the woman who gave you life. Our 4-year-old daughter had never questioned Korea, her life there or her Korean family. To her, I think, we were all that was concrete: we loved her, we adopted her, we were her forever family.

We have always openly discussed whatever they wanted to talk about regarding their adoptions. Sometimes we opened up a conversation that may or may not end quickly, depending on what the girls decided. Sometimes Kaelin opened up the conversation. Never was it Chelsi. We have also talked about their Korean foster mothers. They have pictures of them and their life together in Korea, so I think it was easier for them because they could see their life in color.

The thing that surprised me most about our wonderful trip to Seoul was what happened after we got home. For Kaelin, it seemed to have answered questions. She quit talking about Korea so much. I think, for her, it was this place that may or may not exist and people that may or may not exist. Going there answered the thoughts in her head. She used to confuse her foster mother and Korean mother. She now understood the difference. Chelsi finally opened up some conversations about her adoption after our trip. I think she kept more of her thoughts inside and the trip made things real enough to talk about. It was a great thing for both of them.

While we were there we made arrangements, ahead of time, to visit with the women who cared for them while they waited for us; their foster mothers. Each agency took great care to make these visits possible. I begged them to find Kaelin’s because it would have broke her heart to not have seen her, but been so close. And even though Chelsi was completely reserved through her visit she talks about it nonstop now. Kaelin sang the Three Bears song to her foster mother and they hugged and she shed some happy tears to see this little girl she loved so much, 6 years later. It’s not all that often these foster mothers get to see these babies again. Chelsi’s foster mothers said that in the 6 years she has fostered, and 12 children, Chelsi is the 2nd to visit. They both, amazingly, remembered small details of the girls’ time with them. It was a great opportunity to see these women I had never met or thanked them, in person, for loving my girls. It
was great to verify that the letters I make sure to write every year are being received. Kaelin’s foster mother even apologized for never responding over the years, but thanked us for writing so she could see pictures and know that Kaelin was doing well. This made all those letters so worth it for me to write. She gave me all I needed to continue writing those letters and sending pictures every year. And, I know our trip meant a lot to these women as well. This past Christmas, for the first time, Kaelin received a Christmas card from her foster mother. It completely made her day to get that card all the way from Korea. Chelsi had received a note from her foster mother about a year after she came home, I have been able to email Jaemin’s foster sister and write his foster mother (direct to their home), but Kaelin never had anything, until now.

You see we all got what we needed, at the time, out of that trip. Besides bringing home a son and little brother, Kaelin and I got questions answered, Chelsi got concrete evidence of her past to give her the ability to talk about it and Kaelin had some voids filled.

We are planning to return to Korea as a family of 7, if we can afford it in a few years. We are saving every month now. The girls had such a wonderful time that Chase is now super excited about the trip too. We hope to go before our littlest man goes to school and our oldest graduates from high school….all in the same year. I find myself daydreaming about this trip already. Praying we get the chance to meet with all three foster mothers again. Looking forward to smelling and hearing sweet Seoul again. There’s nothing I don’t look forward to about Korea except the cost of going. It’s a trip of a lifetime for our family to make together. One that all of us look forward to and since the kids will be a few years older when we go I have no doubt new questions will again be answered.

Deoksugung Palace

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Korean Folk Village Pots, Korea

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Korean Folk Village Girls on Teeter, Korea