Blog Post #21
By: Lisa H.
Here is something I wrote a little over 3 years ago. It was right when Korea changed the rules for international adoption.
"I rarely say much about this. All-in-all I think it's a great step for South Korea and their children.
Now that being said, I know this article is old, but this part of it bothers me some;
"While adoption is considered as a way to carry out spirit of noblesse oblige or giving help to society abroad, Koreans tend to choose adoption for getting pure joy of rearing children,''' said Cho Min-hye, an official at the Mission to Promote Adoption in Korea."
I believe, and this is only my opinion, that the vast majority of adoptive parents abroad do not at all view adoption, from any country, as "noblesse oblige or giving help to society abroad". Yes, there is publicity on occasion of the Hollywood folks adopting and mentioning this, but most of us 'regular' families do not view adoption in that regard.
To be honest, our family has NEVER viewed the adoption of our two South Korean born daughters as saving a child or helping anyone. The only way we've viewed it is that we prayed for more children, couldn't have them biologically anymore due to reasons of a personal nature, and we truly believe they just happened to be born in Korea. We love our daughters as much as we would if they were biologically born to us. And yes, as any other family who continues to give birth to additional children, we wanted more for the joy of raising them.
I hope that the wonderful people living in South Korea, our daughter's homeland and a piece of our hearts, understand the reasons behind most adoptions abroad. They are, very much, for the love of our children as they are, "our children"."
I wrote this on the heels of coming changes to Korean adoption in 2007. After we adopted our second daughter Korea felt it was better for children to not be referred abroad until they were 5 months old. This, they felt, would give the babies time to be adopted by Korean families, domestically. The rate of Korean adoptions, within the country, was rising so it made sense. Supposedly, this rule was not going to apply to special needs children. They were going to be allowed to be referred inter-country, sooner than 5 months, because children considered special needs had an extremely low rate of adoption within Korea. I’ve seen very few that were allowed to be referred prior to 5 months, special needs or not, over the past 3 years. There are now articles from Korean newspapers such as this one http://www.koreatimes.co.kr/www/news/nation/2010/02/117_60790.html
Adoption is second best for the children. It’s best, if possible, to remain in an intact family, but there are so many things that keep this from happening. It doesn’t matter what country, it’s just the way it is. It probably is best for children to remain in their birth country. I honestly don’t know. I’ve never read an article from an adult domestic adoptee. The truth is that children are adopted from the US to other countries as well. It depends on acceptance. Sadly, media shows they are African-American children as the majority. But, maybe it isn’t so sad if they find the home and country they are accepted in, by their family and for the interracial family that they may now exist in? There’s no hard-fast, right or wrong. In the end, all that should matter is what’s best for the kids. Once they are relinquished for adoption it becomes about the child.
So, if a child is determined to have potential special needs or does have existing special needs and statistics are showing that they will not be adopted within the country, is it best for them to be referred to another country where there are ample families ready and waiting with the ability to care for and love that child? I think so. Healthy babies are adopted domestically. So, is that best for the child…I think so. I think the point is to find a baby/child the best possible family for them as quickly as possible. The quicker they are adopted the more time for adjustment for the child to the new family and possible environment. Stopping adoptions scares me honestly. This is what Korean government is discussing and has been for some time. What if this causes babies/children to remain in orphanages after relinquishment because there aren’t enough foster homes to go around? This is not in the best interest of a child. It’s never been in
the best interest to grow up in an institution anywhere. While, I hope that more children are adopted domestically and the barriers that prevent or discourage this are torn down, I hope that the children who are not chosen do not suffer for it and still find their forever families as quickly as possible. Sadly, as my own country has not found a good solution to this, I’m not sure it’s possible. I hope Korea finds a better solution to children without parents than the US. Our foster care system leaves something greatly to be desired and I don’t, honestly, feel it is always geared towards the best interested of the children.
These, of course, are just my opinions, but as an adoptive parent that greatly loves her children I can’t imagine any one of them staying in Korea and living their lives out in an orphanage purely because they were (2 were determined) determined special needs and therefore not allowed, in essence, to be adopted. I pray that Korea still holds the importance of keeping biology intact, if possible. I can’t imagine that just because international adoptions halt, biological siblings may not have the chance to be together as ours were kept together. I cry just thinking about my baby boy not being here for me to have the honor of loving and he and his sister being together everyday of their lives. They get to know each other and I am beyond thankful to Korea for this and putting our children first after relinquishment. He is our only child that would be considered healthy, so they only thing that may have prevented him from being adopted domestically
was being a boy.
The last time, a couple of years ago, we went to a university event for Asian Affairs we were cornered by a Korean man who was there with his wife, who was a visiting scholar to the university. The president invited us as he is Korean-American and the barbeque was open to anyone Korean, including our children. When he cornered me he began raising his voice at me for stealing Korea’s children….our daughters. He saw that we already had two biological children and didn’t feel it was necessary for us to take the girls too. I tried to explain that they were born with special needs and what Korea considered issues and were not deemed adoptable in country. But, on the outside, our girls appear perfectly perfect. No one knows all the things that caused them to be labeled this way in Korea. We don’t give out all the details of our girls because they are theirs. I guess the point is that it’s hard for us too.
Adoption can be such a balancing act. Balancing what is best for the kids and actually making it work. I can’t imagine a country that doesn’t struggle with it. It’s too difficult of a situation not to. I just hope that, in the end, all children find what makes them happy.
By: Lisa H.
Here is something I wrote a little over 3 years ago. It was right when Korea changed the rules for international adoption.
"I rarely say much about this. All-in-all I think it's a great step for South Korea and their children.
Now that being said, I know this article is old, but this part of it bothers me some;
"While adoption is considered as a way to carry out spirit of noblesse oblige or giving help to society abroad, Koreans tend to choose adoption for getting pure joy of rearing children,''' said Cho Min-hye, an official at the Mission to Promote Adoption in Korea."
I believe, and this is only my opinion, that the vast majority of adoptive parents abroad do not at all view adoption, from any country, as "noblesse oblige or giving help to society abroad". Yes, there is publicity on occasion of the Hollywood folks adopting and mentioning this, but most of us 'regular' families do not view adoption in that regard.
To be honest, our family has NEVER viewed the adoption of our two South Korean born daughters as saving a child or helping anyone. The only way we've viewed it is that we prayed for more children, couldn't have them biologically anymore due to reasons of a personal nature, and we truly believe they just happened to be born in Korea. We love our daughters as much as we would if they were biologically born to us. And yes, as any other family who continues to give birth to additional children, we wanted more for the joy of raising them.
I hope that the wonderful people living in South Korea, our daughter's homeland and a piece of our hearts, understand the reasons behind most adoptions abroad. They are, very much, for the love of our children as they are, "our children"."
I wrote this on the heels of coming changes to Korean adoption in 2007. After we adopted our second daughter Korea felt it was better for children to not be referred abroad until they were 5 months old. This, they felt, would give the babies time to be adopted by Korean families, domestically. The rate of Korean adoptions, within the country, was rising so it made sense. Supposedly, this rule was not going to apply to special needs children. They were going to be allowed to be referred inter-country, sooner than 5 months, because children considered special needs had an extremely low rate of adoption within Korea. I’ve seen very few that were allowed to be referred prior to 5 months, special needs or not, over the past 3 years. There are now articles from Korean newspapers such as this one http://www.koreatimes.co.kr/www/news/nation/2010/02/117_60790.html
Adoption is second best for the children. It’s best, if possible, to remain in an intact family, but there are so many things that keep this from happening. It doesn’t matter what country, it’s just the way it is. It probably is best for children to remain in their birth country. I honestly don’t know. I’ve never read an article from an adult domestic adoptee. The truth is that children are adopted from the US to other countries as well. It depends on acceptance. Sadly, media shows they are African-American children as the majority. But, maybe it isn’t so sad if they find the home and country they are accepted in, by their family and for the interracial family that they may now exist in? There’s no hard-fast, right or wrong. In the end, all that should matter is what’s best for the kids. Once they are relinquished for adoption it becomes about the child.
So, if a child is determined to have potential special needs or does have existing special needs and statistics are showing that they will not be adopted within the country, is it best for them to be referred to another country where there are ample families ready and waiting with the ability to care for and love that child? I think so. Healthy babies are adopted domestically. So, is that best for the child…I think so. I think the point is to find a baby/child the best possible family for them as quickly as possible. The quicker they are adopted the more time for adjustment for the child to the new family and possible environment. Stopping adoptions scares me honestly. This is what Korean government is discussing and has been for some time. What if this causes babies/children to remain in orphanages after relinquishment because there aren’t enough foster homes to go around? This is not in the best interest of a child. It’s never been in
the best interest to grow up in an institution anywhere. While, I hope that more children are adopted domestically and the barriers that prevent or discourage this are torn down, I hope that the children who are not chosen do not suffer for it and still find their forever families as quickly as possible. Sadly, as my own country has not found a good solution to this, I’m not sure it’s possible. I hope Korea finds a better solution to children without parents than the US. Our foster care system leaves something greatly to be desired and I don’t, honestly, feel it is always geared towards the best interested of the children.
These, of course, are just my opinions, but as an adoptive parent that greatly loves her children I can’t imagine any one of them staying in Korea and living their lives out in an orphanage purely because they were (2 were determined) determined special needs and therefore not allowed, in essence, to be adopted. I pray that Korea still holds the importance of keeping biology intact, if possible. I can’t imagine that just because international adoptions halt, biological siblings may not have the chance to be together as ours were kept together. I cry just thinking about my baby boy not being here for me to have the honor of loving and he and his sister being together everyday of their lives. They get to know each other and I am beyond thankful to Korea for this and putting our children first after relinquishment. He is our only child that would be considered healthy, so they only thing that may have prevented him from being adopted domestically
was being a boy.
The last time, a couple of years ago, we went to a university event for Asian Affairs we were cornered by a Korean man who was there with his wife, who was a visiting scholar to the university. The president invited us as he is Korean-American and the barbeque was open to anyone Korean, including our children. When he cornered me he began raising his voice at me for stealing Korea’s children….our daughters. He saw that we already had two biological children and didn’t feel it was necessary for us to take the girls too. I tried to explain that they were born with special needs and what Korea considered issues and were not deemed adoptable in country. But, on the outside, our girls appear perfectly perfect. No one knows all the things that caused them to be labeled this way in Korea. We don’t give out all the details of our girls because they are theirs. I guess the point is that it’s hard for us too.
Adoption can be such a balancing act. Balancing what is best for the kids and actually making it work. I can’t imagine a country that doesn’t struggle with it. It’s too difficult of a situation not to. I just hope that, in the end, all children find what makes them happy.
Comments