When going through training to become a teacher, one has to take classes in psychology and child development in addition to those in education. Everyone told me that having this additional knowledge would be great especially for when I had kids. I never thought that having this knowledge would actually be detrimental!
Whenever
Ben reaches a milestone in his life, yes, we celebrate with hugs and
kisses! We feel as if he's accomplished something huge each time. But,
when he doesn't do something that I think he "should" be doing
according to child development, I worry. What if this... what if
that... And those of you who know me, I worry too much to begin with.
Plus, having recently attended an autism workshop while on maternity
leave hasn't helped either. They always say, " Every child is different
in his/her development" and I'm so used to saying that to parents
during conferences, but now that we're speaking about MY child, things
are so different. (I'll have to dedicate an entire post about my shift
of perspective on dealing with parents of my students. More to come
later...)
I had been worried for some time (5 days) because Ben
wasn't "socially smiling". There were those subtle ones like that
little smirk on his face after a good poop. You know exactly what I'm
talking about! Those worries, however, quickly went away when I
realized that he had been smiling all along. Ben smiles with his eyes.
For some reason, I had expected those smiles to look differently. Maybe
a bit more exaggerated with giggles and such. Don't ask me why!
Ben
smiles randomly throughout the day. The best is when he spots one of us
early in the morning. He tries to make eye contact. Then, he looks
straight into our eyes and greets us with the best smile. As every new
parent can attest to this, this makes our hearts melt.
What's
especially rewarding now is the fact that there is something being
reciprocated. Up until now, he just stared into space, ate, and cried
when he needed something or was uncomfortable. It was hard having
one-sided conversations all day while being alone with him for 9 hours
from about 8 am-5pm. Although he is still unable to have a spoken
conversation with me, he's able to contribute to our conversations with
his smiles and coos.
I admit that I do still feel lonely
during the hours when it's just Ben and me, but I have to say that
things have gotten much better. He shows me that he loves me his subtle
ways. I just have to be on the look out.
Let this be a source
of strength and inspiration to newer parents who are feeling lonely and
anxious. Your child WILL reciprocate some form of affection and it'll
feel SO good! Hang in there. 
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