Lisa's Story - Korean Baby Adoption Blog

Who wants to accept them?

Something, recently, made me think of this.  You hear conversations or dialogus when adults or children, for that matter, are biracial how they may feel like they are white or black yet society doesn't always want to accept them.  What I mean is you'll hear stories of a biracial (black/white) person not fully being accepted by one side or the other and therefore ending up with a feeling of not belonging.  And before anyone thinks it's wrong to say black in lieu of African American I say that because not all are.  My nephew, for instance, is biracial, but his father is white, while is mother is Caribbean.  I wonder sometimes if he will feel that way.  I pray not.   This dismissal can lead to low self-esteem for especially a child, let alone an adult.

Then, you have my three younger children.  I've talked with many adoptees over the 9 years we've been involved in the adoption world, and it is a different world sometimes, and while some have never had issues of any sort many have.  Many talk of being the only non-white in their community or going to college one day thinking they can join the Asian groups and not being accepted.  Some kids in some communities may feel alone being the only one of their ethnicity while others may belong to a community with other children of their ethnicity, but the adoption sets them apart and prohibits them from feeling like they do belong.  It makes my heart sink to think that my children, because my husband and I adopted them, may not be accepted by people of their own race.  I don't feel we did a bad thing by adopting them, so I will never apologize for that.  But, I hate to think they will possibly feel outcasted and typecasted as white because of us and their big brothers.   Realizing it may happen for the opposite reason

I guess because I have such a mixed heritage I can't really relate to one group if you relating for culture, etc.  I can only be who I am and how I grew up; which was a mishmash of everything.  We didn't celebrate just one thing.  I'm sure a lot of the German side dominated because my mom is 100% German heritage.  But, there are things that changed the way we did things because I'm also of American Indian, German, French, English, etc.  I can't help but think because of my mixed ancestry that's why I'm so interested in other cultures and love learning about them and the people that come from them.  My children, all 5, are much the same way.  They are being raised with some Korean; as much as I can give them anyways, and a mishmash of everything else.  I'm not dismissing them and their Korean ness.  I never could or would.  But, am just raising them in the way we were.  Mostly we were raised based on our Christian religion and the celebrations and such that go along with that.  In addition, we try different foods and make them daily.  We're definitely not a steak and potatoes kind of family.  Not that they're not good....on occasion, but I like a wide variety and the kids are beginning to show the same likes of this.

I guess, part of me wants to say I'm sorry for being here and offending anyone who thinks I do not belong because "I" am white.  If there were a check box for Heinz 57, I would be checking it, because that's me.  But, I'm a mom to Korean children and they are and forever will be Korean-born.  This is celebrated and loved in our home.  It saddens me to think that any one race would ever dismiss a child, based on their parents' presentation or assumption of race, from being acceptable in their own society.  I do truly pray this does not happen and the world changes more for my children.  In my happy world, inside my head, it's already there.  But, when it does, it will be this outwardly looking white mother that will hug and kiss those tears away if it does happen and love them as I have since the day I even knew they existed.

Lisa

It's been a long time....

I haven't posted in forever here.   I guess, I kinda felt outed and overwhelmed and just needed to be mom.  The last time I posted I had just gone back to work full-time, so I think I needed to create my new normal and allow time for Jaemin to adjust back and me to just be mom.

After sleeping in my bed for the first 3 1/2 years, he is sleeping in his own bed and prefers it that way.  He's already almost fully potty trained (night's can be a little tricky), but at 4 I think he does well.  He has been going to speech therapy through our school for 1 year and his IEP was approved for another year.  I was very happy to hear his speech teacher advocating for him.  What can I say?  Anyone who meets Jaemin loves him.  He's a really neat little person.  He's so much happier now that we're beginning to understand him, though his other issues still exist.  He's my baby and always will be.

It's been SO busy with the older 4 kids.  Chelsi is in 1st grade and goes to Kids Class (gifted classes) with the 3rd and 4th graders.  They all love her and she loves being around them.  She's a very popular girl with the students (of all ages) and teachers.  Kaelin is trying volleyball this year.  She's trying to find her place at 10.  Chase finished up another year of football and still loves the game.  Cole has miraculously been allowed to wrestle and is in his 2nd year on the high school team.  He's finally found a place where he's accepted and is part of a group and team and it's so good to see him happy with these new friends.

So, Cole was approved for a wish through Make a Wish last year and is just waiting for the official granting.  He should be doing what he wants with his wish this summer.  I won't say what his wish is until they confirm what they (the Make a Wish team) went with.  His cardiologist removed his limits from wrestling this year after seeing how well he tolerated it last year.  He's still expecting him to go into heart failure before he finishes high school in just over 2 years.  We know we have another year since our next visit isn't until January 2014, so we decided to go to Korea this year while he was well enough.

I finally talked Brian into getting an orthotic brace (ankle-foot orthotic or AFO) for his drop foot.  Ever since his accident just 5 years ago he really struggles to walk well with that leg and it makes him slow and very tired.  Working construction takes and extra toll on his weak leg.  I talked to a friend at work who's son has cerebral palsey and she explained how the brace works.  We made the appointment and check it out.  The man who did not want a brace loves it.  He said he really can keep up now and doesn't have to work so hard or concentrate so much to walk, so he has more energy.  I cried at the appointment.  His gait was totally normal and it was just amazing!

So, that's our big news.  We have saved money for over 7 years and are finally going to go to Korea.  All 7 of us for the first time together.  Everyone is ready for school to be out so we can finally go.  We have tickets, we have reservations, we are planning....

A Sweet Story of Us

One day I was reading our Reader's Digest that my mom gifts to my husband, faithfully, every Christmas.  I read a small article about a contest to write a small excerpt, mostly to gain their attention and decide if they wanted more.  It had to be something about your life.  In the end, 'someone' would win a large cash prize and runner-ups would win a smaller cash prize and all would be published. 

I quickly decided that first I think our story is some bit of amazing and beautiful and well orchestrated.  I, secondly, made the decision that this could very well be enough to send our family to Korea for the once in a lifetime trip we'd been dreaming of, but hold back my heart knowing it may never be possible.   So I wrote.

I never told a soul I wrote the article.  I just wrote it and went on.  A month after I wrote it, I received an email from the PR folks for Readers Digest that my article was streaming popular and I would be in the finals if I kept up the votes and they were interested.  This gave me the confidence to tell family and friends what I'd done and see if I could add to the votes.  So here I am, with one month left until the panelists vote and I'm still in the finals.  You must remain in the top 100 stories to be voted on and I'm currently 23rd.  If you too think this story is amazing or you just want to read my 150-word limit story, you can go here http://apps.facebook.com/yourlifecontest/content/miracles-and-blessing-around .

It's hard to get the complexity and beautiful intricacies of this story out in 150 words or less.  I was trying to convey how lucky we were that the timing of my husband's severe accident was at no different time than it was.  A couple of years sooner and we wouldn't have been able to complete our daughter's adoption or one year later and we wouldn't have been able to accept our son's referral.  If we had received the call that our son was available the year Brian fell, we could NOT have adopted.  We were still figuring out where our lives were and what his outcome may or may not be.  Even though he is our daughter's sibling we'd have to put him first and know that in a time of unsure ness we couldn't bring him home and add him to the mix.  It wouldn't have been fair to him or us and our kids then.  I also thought it good for people to know that you don't have to be wealthy to adopt.  And a lot of people adopt by finding creative ways to make it happen.  I mostly wanted to share how blessed I know we are for everything.  Looking back you can see how perfectly orchestrated everything happened.  If these things were going to happen anyways, they couldn't have happened with better timing then we were bless with.

Heyo

This is how Jaemin says sarangheyo.  He's speech delayed, so for him to say two syllable words is doing well.  Tonight I gave him an ice pop after supper (it's like 120 degrees here) and he took a lick and said 'delicious'. I have to admit, it was pretty clear for him.  He kept saying it with almost every lick and bite.  Then, tonight I got his pjs out and he said 'heyo' and then blew me a kiss.  I said 'sarangheyo' and then he blew me another kiss.  I guess he finally heard me saying 'annyonghichumuseyo' and 'sarangheyo' to the girls enough he's catching on.

I swear I have the sweetest, cutest little boy that's all mine.  How am I NOT supposed to spoil him?

Lisa

The delicate balance that is your child

I didn't imagine having children 3 years apart in age would really cause any competition between them.  The only two that are NOT 3 years apart are Chase and Kaelin.  They are 2 years and 3 months apart and are probably the closest of the 5 as far as playing together, getting along and trusting each other. 

However, having years between them like this did not preclude me from the competition that is sibling rivalry of sorts.  I'm not just talking about the sibling fights that go on almost daily, if not.  You know the fights over he sat too close to me or she took the remote or he sat in my spot when I went to bathroom.  I'm talking about sibling rivalry that doesn't drive mom crazy over the immature rantings, but rather hurts mom's feelings because she can't make them feel better or has to be careful not to fuel it.  Had our children been boy, girl, boy, girl, boy or something more random I don't know that we would still have this problem.  But, because our first two were boys and our next two were girls there is a sort of comparison between each of those first two sets.  This is a lot of the reason that even if we had enough money to support #6, and enough energy, I don't think I would.  But, I digress.

Chase is the very popular and athletic younger brother to Cole.  I say he's athletic, but Cole's not totally incapable of a lot of the same abilities, but Cole is medically restricted.  He has not grown and therefore cannot participate in his second love of basketball.  He does not get chosen; the other boys in his class are at least 5-6 inches taller.  Cole will one day grow and hit puberty at 14 now.  Cole cannot play his #1 love of football because of his heart condition.  Chase, on the other hand, can play whatever he wants and the first time he tried football he fell in love.  He has no interest in basketball and still chooses football over baseball, so that's what he sticks with.  We limit each child to one decided activity after they try whatever they want.  Chase ended up being a very natural football player and it absolutely kills Cole.  Cole has a great arm, but still cannot play.  He never once went to a game for Chase last year.  We did not make him because it was the first year he'd just found out he wasn't allowed to play and we wanted him to have some adjustment time.

Chelsi and Kaelin are about as different as night and day for sisters too.  Kaelin is athletic and loves to run and play.  Chelsi doesn't care to sweat or run much.  She likes gymnastics and that's all she's somewhat interested in.  Mostly, she's interested because it will help her to be a cheerleader one day.  You see, Chelsi is my drama queen.  Literally.  She's already been in a play and is just dramatic in every way possible.  She wants to try out for our county pageant and everything.  However, lately I've started to notice that Kaelin is trying for more attention from not only us, but others.  She's older than Chelsi and Chelsi is small, so Chelsi gets a lot of attention for being *cute*.  No doubt she is, but I've found myself deciding that being in a pageant may not be best.  It may cause more of a riff between the girls than I'd ever want.  I'll never tell her no to another play if she truly wants to and we can fit it in because it's still an activity.  I guess a part of me can't imagine a constant reminder of a little crown  in their room if she won a pageant.  Kaelin's pretty sensitive. 

Jaemin's easy.  He's not really in anyone's shadow.  He's 9 years younger than his closest brother and there's just no comparing him to anyone.   He's his own person and if we didn't remember that on our own, he reminds us daily with his stubborn, independent self while loving everyone at the same time.

Parenting is the most twistedly scary, rewarding balance of a job I've ever had.  I'll have to tell the story of the importance of reading your child's Facebook account...daily...soon.  ;)

Lisa

 

The delicate balance that is your child

I didn't imagine having children 3 years apart in age would really cause any competition between them.  The only two that are NOT 3 years apart are Chase and Kaelin.  They are 2 years and 3 months apart and are probably the closest of the 5 as far as playing together, getting along and trusting each other. 

However, having years between them like this did not preclude me from the competition that is sibling rivalry of sorts.  I'm not just talking about the sibling fights that go on almost daily, if not.  You know the fights over he sat too close to me or she took the remote or he sat in my spot when I went to bathroom.  I'm talking about sibling rivalry that doesn't drive mom crazy over the immature rantings, but rather hurts mom's feelings because she can't make them feel better or has to be careful not to fuel it.  Had our children been boy, girl, boy, girl, boy or something more random I don't know that we would still have this problem.  But, because our first two were boys and our next two were girls there is a sort of comparison between each of those first two sets.  This is a lot of the reason that even if we had enough money to support #6, and enough energy, I don't think I would.  But, I digress.

Chase is the very popular and athletic younger brother to Cole.  I say he's athletic, but Cole's not totally incapable of a lot of the same abilities, but Cole is medically restricted.  He has not grown and therefore cannot participate in his second love of basketball.  He does not get chosen; the other boys in his class are at least 5-6 inches taller.  Cole will one day grow and hit puberty at 14 now.  Cole cannot play his #1 love of football because of his heart condition.  Chase, on the other hand, can play whatever he wants and the first time he tried football he fell in love.  He has no interest in basketball and still chooses football over baseball, so that's what he sticks with.  We limit each child to one decided activity after they try whatever they want.  Chase ended up being a very natural football player and it absolutely kills Cole.  Cole has a great arm, but still cannot play.  He never once went to a game for Chase last year.  We did not make him because it was the first year he'd just found out he wasn't allowed to play and we wanted him to have some adjustment time.

Chelsi and Kaelin are about as different as night and day for sisters too.  Kaelin is athletic and loves to run and play.  Chelsi doesn't care to sweat or run much.  She likes gymnastics and that's all she's somewhat interested in.  Mostly, she's interested because it will help her to be a cheerleader one day.  You see, Chelsi is my drama queen.  Literally.  She's already been in a play and is just dramatic in every way possible.  She wants to try out for our county pageant and everything.  However, lately I've started to notice that Kaelin is trying for more attention from not only us, but others.  She's older than Chelsi and Chelsi is small, so Chelsi gets a lot of attention for being *cute*.  No doubt she is, but I've found myself deciding that being in a pageant may not be best.  It may cause more of a riff between the girls than I'd ever want.  I'll never tell her no to another play if she truly wants to and we can fit it in because it's still an activity.  I guess a part of me can't imagine a constant reminder of a little crown  in their room if she won a pageant.  Kaelin's pretty sensitive. 

Jaemin's easy.  He's not really in anyone's shadow.  He's 9 years younger than his closest brother and there's just no comparing him to anyone.   He's his own person and if we didn't remember that on our own, he reminds us daily with his stubborn, independent self while loving everyone at the same time.

Parenting is the most twistedly scary, rewarding balance of a job I've ever had.  I'll have to tell the story of the importance of reading your child's Facebook account...daily...soon.  ;)

Lisa

 

When DVRs Fail

Ugh!  I did NOT storm.  It lightly rained.  This is all it took to stop my DVR in it's tracks yesterday afternoon.  So, when I began watching my show it put an interruption signal up and then skipped to the end.  It SAID there was an hour and 11 minutes recorded, but it LIED to me!

So, when I informed my husband about this he starts laughing at me because I was thoroughly upset.  I explained the situation to him and he still laughed.  You see, when I watched today's episode it said it was the LAST episode.  So, I missed the 2nd to last episode of my show.  Everything had changed suddenly and I had no idea what I missed.

If you've ever watched the Korean drama "Boys Over Flowers" please tell me what happened in that episode!!  What changed Junpyo's mother?  Why was she no longer mean to Jandi?  What happened to Junpyo?  All of the sudden he was in the hospital with another girl.

I was SO addicted and said that the show is over already.  Darn it!

Lisa

 

A Mother's Poem to her Children

I wrote this years ago, one late night.  This was either before #4 arrived or while we were waiting for her.  This is my hope for my children.

The Mother In Me

 

The mother in me says to her children;

Don’t cross streets without looking both ways

Don’t talk to strangers

Don’t drink and drive

Don’t do drugs.

 

The mother in me thinks her children;

Should respect all people

Should treat others as they would like to be treated

Should love and cherish life

Should be all they can, because they can be anything.

 

The mother in me prays her children;

Will never hurt

Will be loved by all

Will never feel lost or alone

Will always know and remember I love them.

 

Copyright Notice
© 2005 All rights reserved.

House Poor?

 

I'm always curious about this.  Especially with the habits of American to buy up to and beyond what they can afford.....and trade up for bigger and beter.  We have a 1550 square foot house with partially finished downstairs.  All 7 of us live in here comfortably.  Yes, there are times when it doesn't feel like enough, but hey when we are old and our kids leave I don't want stuck with a big house and I want my kids to always be able to come home.

This leads me to thinking of Korea.  You have small homes with extended family members living under one roof.  It's big enough for them.  Why do we as Americans 'think' we have to have it all?  We were just talking with my ex-brother in law yesterday because he's a builder.  He was talking about a house that was for sale near the home he was building.  I said that I wouldn't pay that much for a house and he said well you're not going to get a 3,000 square foot house for less and I told him I didn't want a house that big.  He and his two boys, who only live with him part time, live in a 4,000 square foot house and he told me he couldn't imagine less.  He looked at me like I had two heads.

Why is bigger always better, even if you can afford it?

Lisa

Last Vacation Vacation for Awhile

 

Until we get rid of a kid or two anyways.  As a family of 7, it's becoming extremely hard to vacation and afford it. In the past, we've always been able to tag along with my mom to one of her timeshares so we could virtually go for free.  They were never really awesome places, but they were beachy and that always worked just fine.  This year, since we're now too big to tag along, we decided to find our own vacation.  We talked another couple into coming along and sharing in the cost.  Of course, we paid for a little more than half since they only have 1 child, but it still helped tremendously.  We were able to fit all 10 of us into a 3 bedroom condo.  The lady we rented from didn't count the two two year olds, so she allowed us to stay even though it was only set for 8.  So, for less than $2,000, we went to Orange Beach Alabama and stayed on the beach at a condo that had several indoor and outdoor pools, with waterslides for the kids.  We ate seafood to the children's hearts content and went on a shrimp boat tour to check out local sea life, hear fish tales and spot dolphins in the intercoastal waters.  We even crossed over to Pensacola to see the Naval Air Museum, which houses several retired Korean fighter jets.  It's amazing how old a lot of the planes are there and how long the Navy flies them before retiring them.  Jaemin is a HUGE fan of anything that flies and he went into overload as soon as we walked in to planes and helicopters everywhere.  Oh my!

Sad to say we won't be able to do this again until our oldest is out on his own.  We just can't affod a vacation on our own and because we're SO large it's hard to find anything economical in the first place.  Well, that and dinners are UBER expensive to feed and the kids are starting to all outgrow the kids menus.  It makes me sad.  Especially, since I'm hesistant to believe that we'll really be able to go to Korea in 2013 as we'd hoped.  Too much of life has happened and the cost of airline tickets is a killer for the deal.  Not to mention, our family size....AGAIN.  Hard to find a place big enough for all 7 of us to be together and our kids will still be too young to be split up.  It's just not feasible.

Now onto our wonderful vacation.  It may have been our last, but it was great.  We missed all the tornado warnings and storms back home for wonderful 80's and sunny skies the whole time.  This time, no one landed in the ER either before or during which both happened last time.   That alone made it better, but don't think I wasn't nervous the whole time.  All 5 of our kids and our friends' two year old had a great time!  They ran and played on the beach and wore themselves out 'til they begged for bed every night and nap time.  We soaked in the sun...something our town hasn't seen in over a week and we're living in dimness now that we're back.  I came back with a tan and bleach blonde hair thanks to the sun and water.  My two littlest look like sun tan Barbie and Ken.  They have perfect outlines of their entire swimsuits and it's so cute. Chase came home with whiter hair then usual and looks like a surfer dude.  We used an enitre bottle of spray on sunscreen and a bottle of run in kind.  Crazy amounts of sunscreen, but no one burned to peel.  A couple of us burned, then tanned.  I wore my ole' lady hat as not to get skin cancer again and it did the job.

My poor littlest man has bumps on his whole face now.  We have yet to find a suncreen his little face doesn't react to including my mother in law's very expensive, special, free of everything lotion.  But, I had to trade the bumps to make sure he didn't get any major damage on days he wouldn't keep his hat on.  Do all Korean babies tan quite well too? It's amazing how dark my younger two get, while my oldest Korean born baby tans well, but turns about as pale as I do in the Winter months.  Oh how I wish this could last longer. 

 

I kinda quit taking pictures after the first 2 or 3 days....just wanted to enjoy after that.

 

Leapin' Lizards

No, not lizards, but leaping frogs. 

We took the kids to the lake at the local park because it's supposed to rain the rest of the week.  We were hoping to find a minnow or two for our tiny aquarium since we've had no luck with bought fish.  I caught a tiny frog and asked Jaemin to touch it.  It jumped and scared the bejezius out of him and he said 'no more frog'.  He told Brian 'I don't want to touch'.  I'm sure he'll change and be just like big brothers, eventually bringing home snakes and hiding them in the garage until we make them set the free.  Really, truly, you never know what you'll find in our garage.  We have regular Steve Irwin's in the house who can catch things and tell you all about  the species.

Jaemin was okay touching the tadpole.  I don't think he saw that it had already started growing it's legs.  They were still pretty short.  I tried to catch a crawdad for him, but it got out of my hand before I could show him and take the picture.  It's really hard to do at the same time.  He was ready to go home when all was said and done, but it was a nice break from the usual and supper was on the stove.

Still REALLY enjoying part time and being with my babies more!  It only lasts a short while.

New Friends

Through our local university's Asian affairs office, we met a Korean family.  A very nice woman who works for a province government in Korea and two of her daughters are here for one year.  We met because she is from one of my daughter's birth cities.  She was so sweet and says that when we come to Korea she will treat us very well if we're able to visit the birth city.

As customary, by Koreans, she and her daughters came bearing gifts.  They brought a huge container of strawberries, a honey dew and two bunches of bananas.  All 3 fruits are my kids' favorites, so they're almost gone already and they just came over yesterday.  We sat and ate some fresh baked zucchini bread, made by my 14 year old son, some fruit and just talked.  She brought a nice hanky made of persimmon and some other things from Kaelin's birth city.  They are very nice keepsakes for my daughter.  Plus she brought a book of Jeju and wants us to learn about it before we come.  Gosh, I really hope we're able to afford our trip to Korea.

Brian and the big boys were not home when Younghan and her girls were here.  They were fishing which really seemed to interest her girls.  I told them the boys would take them fishing before they leave.  They seem very adventurous and ready to try anything.  That's really cool!

I couldn't believe how well Jaemin took to Chaewon.  He doesn't usually like strangers...no one.  He's such a momma's boy.  But, after about 20 minutes he was taking her by the hand and leading her around the house.  The girls were proud to show off their Hangul poster in their room and how they can write their Korean names.  I wish they didn't live almost an hour from us.  We'd try to see them so much more.

Oh, I did learn something new.  When Younghan was taking pictures of us, Kaelin said to say cheese and the girls did the peace sign.  She told me this is 'cheese' in Korea, for pictures.  Now I know!

Here's to our new friends!

Lisa

Grown ups in small bodies

Sometimes, that's how I think of my 5 year old.  She's so mature and wise beyond a 5 year old.  The times I get reminded she really is only 5 is when she actually tantrums for something, which is only when she's tired, really.  She's a pretty even keeled, logically rational child.  Not right for a 5 year old, huh? 

We had kindergarten screening this morning.  I wasn't worried one ounce.  She's 5 1/2 and completely ready in every way possible.  The teacher talked to me and said she was at or above in every single area, so no worries from her either.  We talked a bit about how they will handle her reading ability and I felt very reassured she wouldn't be bored.  She reads at about a 4th grade level with comprehension of 2nd to 3rd grade.  She fluently and flawlessly flows through words like she's been reading for years.  I guess she kinda has.  She started sight words at 2 1/2. 

Anyways, parents aren't allowed in during the screening.  So when they came to get me they told me she was in the gym playing.  I found her playing with a set of twin boys who will also be in her class.  They were the only kids in there at the time.  The teacher was talking to me as we were walking in and said she overheard the 3 of them in the cafeteria while eating their snack discussing ethnicity.  She said one asked the other if they were Chinese, the other responded Korean and the questionging turned back around.  She discovered the twins were 1/2 Korean.  Meanwhile, I was outside talking to mom the whole time after she overheard me talking about Jaemin's Korean name with school personnel.  She immediately told me she was Korean too, but has been in the states nearly all her life.

Chelsi was THRILLED to find out she has Korean kids in her grade.  We live in a very predominantly caucasian town.  Our school is made up of a few very small towns with populations around 1,000.  I wasn't expecting her to have any in her class and had felt lucky that big sister Kaelin was one of 4 Asians in her kindergarten class.  One has since moved away, but she still has a Vietnamese and Chinese adoptee.  I couldn't believe Chelsi was NOT going to be the only Asian in her class.  There are several Asians at our school now.  I will have 2 of them, but that's a huge change from when I attended.  There was NO ONE of color/race.  I guess a part of me feels like if they're not the only Asian, from the start, kids won't question their differences and they can just be themselves without all the extra. 

I already have discussions with my 2nd grader to check in and see how things are going and she's never had problems.  She said the only thing she hates is kids used to think she looked exactly like the Chinese adoptee (they do NOT) and she was frustrated with that.  But, she was always quick to correct kids and tell them she's Korean and the other little girl is Chinese.  She's very popular, so I'm not too worried.

Now, maybe I'll get lucky enough for Jaemin to not be the only Asian either.   Oddly enough kids in our small towns and school have no issues with my Asian kids, but my heart kid gets made fun of for having a heart defect.  Our school is one of the best in the state, but I get tired of it's sport oriented families sometimes.  That's another topic for another day.

Lisa

What can I say?

I would do anything for this little boy that sneaks into my bed at midnight every night.  I had no idea 2 years ago, in March, we would have another child.  I had no idea I'd ever have a black haired, dark eyed little boy.  And the road to bring him home was short.  Really short in the world of adoption.  From notice of our son to homecoming, 2 months is SHORT!  And then I spent the next year getting hit and scratched because he was angry.  Angry at everything he'd been through.

Here we are two years after that call and I'm so in love with this little boy.  It gets more intense....SO INTENSE....everyday.  I sit by his toddler bed and stroke his hair and talk to him softly every night.  And while I'm beyond scared that he may be diagnosed on the autism spectrum next month, albeit, very high functioning, I don't care.  He's my baby boy and I would move mountains for him.  My love is THAT intense. 

Some might find it crazy...our life and what it has become.  I spend one day at the hospital all day so my oldest can have a full heart work up to determine when his next open heart surgery will be and the next day with my youngest trying to get things lined up and paperwork filled out for an autism workup.  And then there are 3 others in between.  But, what on Earth would I do without any one of my kids?  Not be whole, is my guess.  Jaemin absolutely fills my cup and it.....runeth over!

My purchases...all mine!

 

As most mothers, we don't purchase things for ourselves.  Most moms consider their own wants frivelous.  Well, when I got a Groupon I spent it on myself.  Me oh me!  I got a $10 discount from Groupon on my first Groupon.  I quickly took advantage when Barnes and Noble offered a Groupon.  So, for $0, I got a $20 gift certificate to Barnes and Noble.  I used it to buy myself two books.  So, now, for $8, this is what I got.  Can't wait 'til they arrive next week!

Sharing Korea

Kaelin wanted to share a little about Korea with her 2nd grade class for Lunar New Year (Sol Nal).  I was 'supposed' to go to school to help her on the 3rd, but we got blizzarded out....is that a word?  Anyways, the teacher emailed me the next day when they were back in and asked that we come in Monday instead.  Kaelin wanted me there to help her out. 

Yesterday, we had practice for Chelsi last night, but during the day I took the little kids to Kaelin's class at school to do the Lunar New Year (Sol Nal) presentation we were supposed to do last week.  It was canceled because of the blizzard.  Yes, blizzard. 

Kaelin did great.  The teacher gave us pretty much the last hour of the school day.  So, Kaelin wrote some things on the board in Hangul, we passed our Won, she wore her hanbok and then we talked about Korean culture.  Of course, some of the kids asked about adoption too, so I would quickly answer so we could move on.  They would raise their hands so Kaelin could call on them and we could answer their questions.  One kid said "Kaelin, you're adopted?!".  It was so funny.  One kid asked how they kiss in Korea.  Oh my!  One just wanted to know how old I was.  The teacher quickly diverted that one.  We brought our pictures from Korea and the kids just loved it all.  They asked so many great questions and then they all wanted a Korean name and couldn't understand why Kaelin had a Korean name and English name and they didn't.  Hmmm....me thinks this makes her the cool kid.  :)  Kaelin loved the attention and the time to share.  Her teacher was very interested in it all, it seemed.  The kids decided I should be a teacher and teach about Korea.  So funny!  I work with one of the kids' mom and she told me today that he was so excited when he got home yesterday.  He told her knows EVERYTHING there is to know about Korea.  How funny is that?

It's kind of cool that in such a small rural town we get the opportunity to open up and share another piece of the world with this young minds.  At this age they will keep this in mind and carry some of it with them....and you never know where it will take them.

 

새 해 복 많이받으세요

I know Lunar New Year doesn't start until 2/3, but we have to try to find a date that a couple of families can get together and it was tonight.  So, there were only 3 families, but the kids love getting to see each other again.  For the most part they only see each other this time of year.  The venue is our favorite Chinese restaurant.  So the kids play and we eat and enjoy.  The kids colored Korean flag pictures and Chelsi tried to teach them all how to say Happy New Year in Korean, but the other kids were too young to really care.  Chelsi got to see her beau (she calls him husband), Cale.  They are too funny together.  His mom and I were talking and we both agree that she will be wearing the pants in that relationship.  My girl is a tad bossy.  It's not like he's scared of her or anything, she's just such a mother hen.  Even zipping up his sweater for him.  That was TOO cute!

Here are the two this year.

These are my boys....ssshhhh don't tell Brian I put him on here.  :)

Enjoy your holiday!!

Lisa

My daughter gets to see her betrothed in two weeks.

:)  Yep, you have two mommies idealistically setting their kids up.  It's all in good humor, of course.  But, they actually do like each other....for now.  He is a year younger than my daughter, though, so in the long run, I'm not sure how well that will pan out.  They only see each other a couple of times a year.  In 2010, it was just that.  He was at the Lunar New Year celebration I set up for our adoption group and then we went to his birthday party in the summer.  He misses her in between visits and talks of her often and she talks of him too.

I was talking with Chelsi the other day about when she becomes a doctor (her dream, not mine) and her dad and I will live with her (again, her dream...mine too) to take care of her kids while she works.  I said 'while you and your husband work'.  She looked at me and realized I expected her to get married.  It was a priceless look.  She quickly said "well, I guess I'll marry Cale then.  I really like him.".  This is going to make his day because she's told him no before. 

Well, we have our annual Lunary New Year get together in two weeks and it looks like our two little buddies will see each other again.

Lisa

From last years party.  Is that not sweet?

Tim Kang - The Mentalist

 

My mom and I were talking on the phone today and she mentioned how much she likes the show "The Mentalist".  She says that, actor, Tim Kang reminds her of my Jaemin.  She says his personality on the show and his looks.  I have not seen the show yet, but was curious as to what he looked like, so naturally I swagbucked him.  I can see the similarities.  I can see Jaemin looking like that in 30 years.  Handsome, so I won't complain.  That's the difference when your children aren't biological.  No matter if their Asian, India, etc., you don't have a very good idea of what they may look like when they're older because there's really no one to guage them on.  So, leave me to my own devices.  :)

What do you think?

Here's the wiki link for him if you want to know what else he's been in. 

I'm not Korean

I'm not Korean.  I do not speak much  I do not cook it well.  I do not have the beautiful skin, dark hair and almond eyes of my 3 youngest babies that I love so much.  I do not know the ins and outs of living Korean or the lifestyle.  I read and immerse myself imagining myself in their Korean lives sometimes.  

I'm not Korean.  I never will be.  But, Korean is in my heart and my soul.  And because of that I will always try to speak and try to cook and find respect and love for the country.  I thank my children for this love I would not know without them.

Lisa

Mail to Korea with Love

As the youngest 3 have gotten older I've found myself trying to become as close as possible to their Korean foster families.  I find myself wanting to make sure the ties remain for our next trip.  I was SO relieved to find out when we last visited that they still remembered tiny, specific details about my daughters.  Very impressive if you ask me. EVer since then I constantly want to find little ways to thank them for their wonderfulness to my kids.

I love mailing things to Korea.  Though small letters may not seem like much they make me feel closer.  It feels like you're mailing a letter to family.  This week, through the snow, I trudged to the grocery store to mail off our latest short notes and a picture.  I had take the kids' pictures this fall and decided that instead of mailing a picture for them to frame I would have them printed onto these 4x6 magnets and I had their names and the year typed onto the magnets.  I wrote a very short and sweet note to the foster mothers (since they have to be translated by the agencies and I don't want to inundate them).  I VERY happily paid my postage, mailed them off and dream about the happiness they will hopefully bring when those families see the babies they took care of.

I will forever be thankful to so many people linked to 3 of the 4 Korean adoption agencies in Korea. 

In case I didn't already post the pics, these are the ones I sent.

Lisa

 
 


 

A star is born....with attitude.

My baby girl.  Oh my.  She has an amazing memory, so I thought she may be interested in a small play.  I asked her if she wanted to try out for a play with a small Christian theatre who were getting ready for auditions and she said 'sure'.  I took her a few nights later.  She ended up getting the part (although I believe she was the only one who auditioned for such a young part).  She waivered for the first night after auditions.  I think it shook her a bit.  But, I told her to sleep on it and when she woke up in the morning she was all for it, which was good since that's when we found out she got the part.

She's now a couple of weeks into practice and really enjoying it.  She hates it when it's not her turn, so she follows the script and looks for her highlighted lines.  She's got most of her lines memorized already, so now they're just working on  placements.  Everyone laughs after most of her lines because she has such attitude with them.  They do crack you up coming out of such a little person.  Last night at practice I asked her if she liked it still and she said she wants to be on TV.  OH MY!  I asked her if she wanted to be on TV after the play was over and she very systematically told me that she needed to finish this play and then gymnastics starts, so she would do her show after gymnastics is over.  My girl really has her life figured out.  Thank God, she's not ALL lofty.  She still wants to be a pediatrician when she grows up and mom and dad get to live in her house and take care of her kids while she's at work.

She's going to be so interesting to watch grow up....to say the least.   She does things I would have never had the nerve to do.  Gotta give her kudos for that for sure....at only 5 years old my 10 week early baby is reading her own script in a play.  Amazing.

Lisa

S*P*O*I*L*E*D

That's what I think my kids were this Christmas.  Our Christmas budget for EVERYTHING is under $1,000; all 7 of us, grandparents, teachers and daycare.  But, this year we went just a tad outside.  I've been on a kick this year of just enjoying my life.  I'm a very conservative, Type A planner and decided to step outside my comfort zone.  This is what I love about my kids.  They're easily impressed even when we're a little behind the times on gadgets and such.  I HATE batteries, so this year WAS an exception to my rule.  I love that they understand why we don't spend money and save what we can instead.

The big boys each got an Ipod Touch (sshhh it's refurbished by Apple for a better price).  Kaelin got a DSi.  Chelsi and Jaemin got a sand and water table that's totally awesome!  Santa also brought the 3 big kids a RC monster truck and the 2 littles each got their first guitar.  They're HUGE music lovers.  In addition to this they got a ton from 3 sets of grandparents and Godparents.  We ended up with a Wii from my grandma as a family gift.  Talk about keeping everyone busy and making mom and dad sore!  The first night I had all 4 older kids on the floor dancing.  That was HILLARIOUS and worth all the splurging.

The great thing about the kids is that they understand money.  They know we don't have much especially now that I'm working part time.  They're always so shocked at Christmas.  It's so nice that we can still do that to them.  I remember last year shocking the big boys by getting them a $20 Guitar Hero game.  They were so excited.  They're actually fighting very little now.  Of course, I reminded them that now I have many more things I can take away for bad behavior and fighting.  Funny, now Cole goes out of his way for Kaelin.  They're mortal enemies you know.  :)

But, we really had a great Christmas.  I loved watching them have so much fun.  Chelsi and Jaemin were so into it this year.  They loved unwrapping everything.  Now, if Spring would just hurry up so the littles can play with their teeter ball and sand and water table outside already.

Here comes the airplane

But, these are ones that really do go in your mouth.  :)

Since our oldest daughter's adoption was final on 12/17 (7 years ago), our youngest daughter 11/28 (4 years ago) and our youngest son 12/22 (last year) we decided to celebrate a time within those dates as our family anniversary.  A lot of adoptees celebrate Gotcha Day or Airplane Day or Family Day.  It's called a multitude of names.  We had been celebrating it and always do on their very first, but because we have biological children as well it threw us a different element.  We decided to celebrate the day the judge declared us a family.  And luckily all 3 of our youngest were declared a family member around the same time.

This year I ordered airplane cookie cutters.  Today, the three middle kids (Chase, Kaelin and Chelsi) made Christmas cookies and a few airplane cookies to celebrate our day.  I colored the dough and thought that the color came out fairly similar to the Koreak Air plane.  While our icing leaves a lot to be desired I still thought they came out cute.  We also had gingerbread cutters so Kaelin, Chase and I made one for each member of the family.  I made Chelsi, Jaemin and Kaelins.  Chase made himself.  And Kaelin made me, Brian and Cole.  I thought we were pretty cute and the girls wanted hanboks on, so I did the best with our icing and cookies.

It was an all day event, but they had a great time!

Trying hard not to worry

I tell myself the same thing a lot of people do.  I think a lot of South Koreans tell themselves the same thing.  "It's just more of North Koreas usual.  Trying to ruffle feathers.  Trying to assert what they think of as their power."  But, sometimes, I'm not so sure it's just that.  I start to, for seconds, worry it's just a precursor to more dangerious events.  I pray not.  My children's families are there.  So many people that have cared for my children are there and so many wonderful people, overall.   I pray that some day North Koreans find out what Kim Jong Il has done to them and the lies they've been told and some day they can live better lives and be reunited with possible loved ones in the south....permanently.

Lisa

Sesame Oil

Does anyone else just love the smell of sesame seed oil?  I love it.  I substitute that out for canola oil and rice vinegar out for white vinegar when I make Asian slaw.  I ran out tonight, so we're going to have to make an emergency run to get more tomorrow.  I was pouring it on the kimchi fried rice tonight and could have just sniffed the bottle after it poured out.  Weird, huh?

Lisa

Kimchi Aroma

permeates my van.  :)

Since I'd been craving kimchi I thought we'd make a night of it since our closest Asian market is about an hour from us.  So, we stopped by the market and did some other stops as well.  We looked through their kimchi selections and since the cucumber kimchi was only in tiny jars I got white kimchi instead.  I'm really NOT a fan of cabbage kimchi and neither is anyone else in the house.  Kaelin and I are about the only ones that will eat it anyways, unless Jaemin does.  He's never had it so I guess we'll be finding out.  He did hear us say it was kimchi and yelled "Iunt kimchi" at the store. 

And since kimchi always has a way of leaking out on the way home, it managed to leak through the two bags they put it in and onto my mats.  Everytime we got back in the van we opened the windows (cold air and all) to air out the car a bit.  I think it was turning my husband's very full stomach after pizza buffet.  Kaelin and I still thought it smelled good.

So, yep, we'll be having some for lunch tomorrow.  I'll make another quick batch of sticky rice to go with.  Yum!

Lisa

No more lessons

I'm very sad that after just a couple of lessons they didn't email us to let us know what was going on anymore.  I haven't talked to our Korean teacher, just her husband.  But, he said that they were too busy on weekends to do it, which I understand.  We couldn't get it together on the weeknights either because of how early it needed to be done.  They're hoping to start up next semester, but I'm not holding a lot of hope so that we don't get too disappointed. 

In the mean time, I fought Dish Network hard enough, finally to bring us the dish we needed to get KBS like we were supposed to.  So, now, while these are older shows, I'm totally addicted to 'My Pitiful Sister' and Jaemin....well he tells us he wants to watch 'Funny Funny' (TV Kindergarten Funny Funny) as soon as he gets up in the morning.  He's hillarious.  He dances around and sings with the beginning song and then sings with the ending song too.  He does actions and everything.  Jaemin as even got it down to say "annyong" when it's over.  So super cute!!

Lisa

Taking a break

We took a small break from losing our dog of 4 months (3 years of age) and adjusting a new one to a new family (2 years of age) to get the Halloween masks ready.  When we were in Walmart a few weeks ago find activities to do now that I work only part time Chelsi picked out these masks to decorate.  And since the girls are dressing fairly similar I thought it would be cool to go with their outfits for Halloween.  So I painted purple around the eyes to go with their costumes and then they bedazzled them up with jewels and starts.  They're not sticking real well, but will last for a night.

After we made masks we were off for a chili dinner and hayride to celebrate Chusok with the Chinese adoptive families who were celebrating the Harvest Moon.  The kids had a great night of running around playing, roasting marshmellows and painting pumpkins.  Today, we spent the whole afternoon and evening outside...just came in for a quick bite of spaghetti.  Kaelin had started getting a pile of leaves together when Jaemin realized how fun it is to jump in them.  All 4 of the younger kids worked hard building the pile bigger and bigger and took turns jumping.  They even got into a leaf throwing fight until it upset Chelsi at how disorganized the pile was.  She is SO her mother's daughter.  Hard to explain to her it's okay when I have been known for being upset over silly things like that too.  Needless to say by the time we all got in and got showers tonight we were stinkin' tired and well, you should have seen the dirty water running through the shower from black little feet standing in there.

Nothing to post but a picture.

I took the kids' 2010 pictures today and thought I'd share some of the 5.  From oldest to youngest.  Where has the time gone?  They're now 13, 10, 8, 5 and 2!

 







Two of my sweet boys.

How the other half live

I've always been curious about the secret lives of stay at home moms.  I knew and still know we could never afford it.  We don't make much with the 2 of us combined and I carry the health insurance.  Not a luxury you can really give up nowadays.  I've always read comments on internet boards I belong to where moms talk about what to do with their kids since they're SAHMs or talking about how busy they were.  I couldn't help but be jealous and a little frustrated.  I was working full-time and trying to do what they were doing in the same day they were, along with my out of home job.  Which, by the way, I don't do because I enjoy...at all.  I do it because it pays the bills and allows me to take off when the kids need me.

Ever since our 2nd son was born I've been trying to find a way to at least go part time.  That seemed so perfect to me.  I could then keep my insurance and spend more time with my kids and maybe keep up a little easier without the rat race.  I so enjoyed my maternity leave with him and the few weeks of leave I worked part time.  That was a little taste of what it would be like.  I craved it more than ever.

When our 1st daughter arrived home I did my maternity leave the same way.  I did it again when daughter #2 and son #3 came home.  I kept trying to find a way to make the money work.  Nothing seemed logical on paper at all.  Until a few weeks ago that is.

We were given our insurance premiums for next year and mine (because I have 5 children) had more than doubled and our out-of-pocket is triple.  Once I figured in my pay decrease due to insurance I realized I was solely working for insurance and daycare and there wouldn't be a single dime left to spare in 2011, as long as I have 2 in daycare.  I went to my boss and told her I was thinking about applying for a job that had just come open that was 1/2 time.  There are only a couple like that and they only come open every several years, so I decided I had to find a way to do it.  I reworked our home loan to decrease the 30 year payments and trimmed everything I could in our budget.  Quit paying on some retirement things, etc.  Anything I could do.  And we would still be tight, but I had to take the chance.    She asked if I would stay if they allowed me to go 1/2 time for a year or so, at least to get down to 1 in daycare.  I told her I probably would since it wouldn't mean a positional demotion, but it would still give the kids and I this temporary benefit.

Here I am now, sitting at my computer while my two littlest nap.  We're closing on our refinance today to lower our payment so we can pay our bills.  And, hey, we have a little savings so it's always there, but my kids will not always be this young.  I don't know how long they'll let me do it or how long we can afford to float ourselves, but it's worth every single second!  I love waking up 3 days/week knowing I get to spend it with my babies.  I drive the older kids to school (which is usual) and then we come home and color or go for a walk or just play outside.  We have reading time and writing time and Jaemin is starting to learn his colors with mommy.  I love this.  I get to earn the money to hopefully pay our bills, keep our insurance and be with my kids more. 

More than likely at this time next year I'll be full-time again, but I have vowed to not think about it.  I have vowed to make the very best of this awesome situation for as long as it lasts.  Hopefully, they'll decide to let me do one more year.  They said they may let me do it through our oldest's open heart surgery, but I have to reask every year.  There's no guarantee.  But, there's no guarantee in life on anything, so I'm taking things as they come. 

So maybe, just maybe I did learn lessons from all we've been through in life.  I've learned to take what I get and live for today and try to plan for tomorrow, but really enjoy today.  It took a lot to teach me this, obviously, but oh well.  I got there.  Now, just let me win the lottery so I can do this all the time forever.  Oh, wait, I'd have to play.  Darn!

Lisa

Time off with mommy.

 

채민 과 젤시 생일 축하함니다

My two babies are growing up.  Jaemin is officially 2!  Chelsi will be 5 tomorrow.  We've had wonderful celebrations; a party for Chelsi's 5th last night and just the 7 of us for Jaemin's 2nd tonight.  But, last night in bed I started to think about their Korean mother.  What must she be thinking this weekend?  What a rough weekend with 2 times the hurt?  I'm fortunate that I get them in my everyday life.  I wonder if the green heart balloon Jaemin let go of last night could possibly make it all the way to Korea and somehow she could the very balloon her son was holding last night?  The 3 of us said a short little prayer for her tonight before dinner.  I don't think Chelsi even gets it and keeps asking about her foster mother.  It's typical to confuse them and she is still young enough to.  So I don't push.  We just say our prayer and go on.

The rest of the weekend was very nice.  We spent all yesterday getting ready for the party and then we had 4 little girls ages 3-5 screaming through our garage last night.  The neighbors must have wondered what we were doing to them?  :)  This morning was a HOT football game.  Poor Chase didn't get to play much since the offense were hardly off the field.  He's cornerback.  He did get some tackles in when he played.  I think he just likes hearing his name from the announcer.  :)

Tomorrow should be Korean lessons again.  YEAH!  We all 3 look so forward to that and what's better for Chelsi than lessons ON her birthday?

Signing off and wishing my babies the very best throughout their lives.  Hoping and praying for everything their hearts truly want and need and to know that richness isn't really having an abundance of money, but love and happiness.

 

No Pororo :(

We knew that with Dish we could possibly get KBS (Korean Broadcasting System).  I had been told years ago we'd just have to buy a different dish.  So we didn't do it.

 

I decided it may help learn Korean so it would be nice to have it.  I called Dish and was told that we were not in the orbit to get it, so even a new dish wouldn't help.  Since we were already paying for it and couldn't get it I argued with them and they agreed to come out and install the dish for free.  The guy that installed it this morning said sometimes the ones on the phone don't know what they're talking about.  So tonight we're getting KBS and Arirang, but neither air Pororo.  :(

 

Pororo the Little Penguin

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Work, work, work

The girls and I have home work now....not just Kaelin's school work, but home work for all 3 of us. I only have one name (no Korean name), so I don't have as much as they do, but we have to practice the 4 characters we learned about tonight,ㄱ ㄴ ㄷ ㄹ, and they have to practice writing their Korean names. I think I could probably teach them to write their Korean names myself, but they're more likely to learn from Sunghee, and pay attention. It seems a little easier for me to remember the characters now that I actually know what they're called, though I have trouble articulating ㄹ. My tongue does not work the same way as a Korean tongue..yes the way we use our tongues in language is different. It is fun though. We get to talk about Korean food and sometimes questions just come up in conversation and I can ask on the spot. It's so helpful. The 3 of us are getting SO much out of it already.

Even Jaemin is starting to put together kiss (보보) and the informal version of hello (안녕). He won't call me 암마 though. He still calls me mama.

Goodbye and goodnight.

안녕히가세요 안녕히주무세요

리사

Some artwork between friends

The girls, especially Kaelin, made a new friend tonight.  Our Korean teacher has a 10 year old student staying with them.  Since my husband and boys were on a fishing trip and I had room in the van I invited her to spend some time with us.  I had already made plans with my sister to go to a Chinese restaurant for supper...our childhood fave.  So, Mary joined us.  I just had the three youngest kids, so it was cheap enough we could afford a night out.  Not a norm in this house.

Mary is studying here, from Korea.  She tried to teach us a little, but I had trouble understanding her Korean.  Though her English is very good.  Kaelin and her seemed to hit it off.  They played soccer, played with our pets and drew on the sidewalk.  Here is their great artwork.  They actually drew both flags, but I had put my camera away by then. 

I think Jaemin did a lot of cleaning up with his bottom.  When we were done he looked like artwork on his feet and jeans.  :)

Mary is going to come back tomorrow with her homestay mom; our Korean teacher.  I told her she was welcome to call us and come over any time.  She's SO polite!

The pay off

even if only for a period of time.  I will relish it while I can.

Brian called from work, Monday, to tell me that a coworker told him that she was friends with a woman from Korea.  Apparently, she and her husband had been trying to find us all summer.  They mentioned to his coworker that there was a couple looking to learn Korean with 3 Korean adoptees.  See we had left our name and number at a sushi restaurant in May because a couple of people there were Korean and we were hoping they may know of someone willing to teach us.  Somewhere in there our number was lost and the couple they found couldn't find us.

But, when his coworker heard 3 adoptees she knew it was us because well...we're the only ones around with that many.  I was so beyond excited.  I waited for 2 more days until she brought in the husband's business card and my husband caught up with her to get it.  I called that very night.  He is American and she is Korean born.  He speaks very good Korean as well.  She has been gracious enough to start teaching the girls and I one night every week.  I told them I don't have these deluded great expectations of being fluent, but would like to know more and for the 3 of us to learn as much as possible.  She's doing it for free and I feel bad because she's not really getting anything in return for her time with us.  She's even offered to cook Korean dishes.

She and I just spent tonight getting to know each other before we start into more lessons, so they came to our house to get to know our family.   We had a great time talking about yummy Korean food that we've cooked, what we like and talking about Seoul.  She was born in the same province as my two youngest were.  I just hope it lasts as long as possible.  She's very nervous.  She says her English is not very good, but it's not bad either.  I hope she knows she has no reason to be nervous with me.  I'm thoroughly impressed by her.

We had a great night and I'm cautious hoping it won't end and maybe even a friendship will form.  They truly seem like such a nice couple and my youngest took to her like I rarely see him with strangers.  Chelsi already learned a few new words tonight.  Her memory is awesome, so I think she will do better than the rest of us.  It was nice, for the first time, to tell the girls goodnight in Korean.

안녕히주무세요

My heart breaks

I know adoption has it's intricacies and differences compared to biological parenting, but a lot of it is very much the same.  No matter if your child was adopted or born biologically, you parent each child differently based on their circumstances.  Individuality. 

A lot of A-parents I've spoke to, who do not have biological children, do not agree.  They are adamant that adoptive parenting is completely different than biological.  I still say it's the same in that each child is different.  So today I have my proof....to me anyways.

Just like our children may get made fun of for looking different than their peers or their parents or for just being adopted other children get made fun of for things they can't control either.  My 13 year old was made fun of for not being able to play football.  Some new boys asked him if he played.  When he told them he couldn't because of his heart they turned and started laughing.  I knew kids were cruel, but at 13 they should be old enough to understand that your heart, uh, is what keeps you living.  How serious does it have to be?

He begged us not to bring it to the counselor's attention.  He's afraid it would make things worse.  I told him if it happens again something has to be done.  We'll find a way to make it look like he's not the one who told, but bullying is not tolerated and I know the school agrees.  I told him next time he should tell them that it kind of sucks to not be able to play the one thing you really want to because it will kill you.  Maybe they'll get it then.  I mean if they say something again then ignoring them didn't work.  He tried that today. 

I explained to him that sometimes, some people are so insecure with their own lives that they thrive in makes others as unhappy as they are.  I venture to guess their parents are much the same.

Meanwhile, I thought it would be my younger 3 to have something of this magnitude happen first, but it wasn't and my heart is broken and hurting for him.  I hope I handle this well, so that if it happens to the younger 3 I can do a good job for them.  I just hope he can get over this and through this.  And shame on that doctor raising his hopes when he had no right to tell him he could with that amount of risk.  Thank God he's no longer practicing.

Lisa

A Variety of Reactions to Mom's Singing

   Last night I laid in Jaemin's toddler bed with him and I started to sing Twinkle Twinkle.  He was laughing at me a bit.   Then I started singing Itsy Bitsy Spider....with actions, of course.  He started laughing so hard you would have thought someone was tickling him.  Then he laughed so hard he started coughing like he swallowed his spit down the wrong pipe.  Well, since he has a weak gag reflux he puked on me.  So, yeah, apparently my singing invokes vomitting and should come with a warning.

I went and clean both of us up.  It wasn't much, but needed cleaned up.  He wanted me to sing more.  He just kept motioning to me and yelling.  I changed it to Mary had a Little Lamb and then quietly left him to sleep.

Tonight, I laid in his bed as usual and started to sing.  He started to giggle again.  I decided not to repeat last night so I switched to Three Bears song, in Korean.  Yes, I actually have the song memorized in Korean.  My 8 year old can sing it too.  Chelsi used to know it, but has since forgotten which is surprising since she has the best memory of my girls.  Anyways, when I sang that song he settled right in.  He was very quiet.  I then whispered saranghaeyo in his ear and blew him a kiss goodnight.

When I went back into the girls' room to tuck them in they asked if they heard what they thought they heard.  So I had to acknowledge I was singing.  Trust me I do NOT sing well.  Since I had been singing it to Jaemin they wanted me to sing it with them too.  So we sang the Three Bears song about 3 times before I got them to lay down.  Now they want to know if I know anymore, which I don't.  They want me to find a Korean person to ask.  So I told them I would ask if anyone knows SanToki and can type it out for me.  It's on one of the CDs Jaemin's foster mother sent to us, but I need the words to learn it.

Any help from anyone here?

Lisa

This is me a little stressed

Probably the most stressed I've been in awhile, but my friend at work said she thought I was handling it better than she thought I would....so I'm proud of myself.

I know everyone is experiencing a lot of difficult at these times.  Everything just is.  I've been trying so hard to balance my time at work (ya know to keep my great paying job...ha) with having time with my kids and getting them all to their various appointments.  Those appointments have been stacking up.  I think we're done with the nephrologist for now.  We're trying to get same child into a urologist.  We've seen the allergist and are looking for the next road which is a gastroenterologist.  (Sorry for the spellings, if they're wrong...I'm worn out this week)  So, we still have no conclusions for the two littlest kiddos and their symptoms and the one kid I've always depended on to defy the odds may not be anymore. 

We had to go to a new pediatric cardiologist for the first time in 13 years.  Ours was retiring and I wasn't happy with the information I got regarding his replacement.  So we went to a different hospital to try a different person and really liked him, but we got a 180 in information.  My oldest was born with tetralogy of fallot, situs inversus and dextro cardia.  I think I probably described these before, but who knows where that was.  So, for a new reader, situs inversus means everything inside him is mirror image of us.  Dextro cardia means his heart faces right instead of left.  So his heart faces right instead of left AND it sits on the right side of his chest.  Tet is a system of 4 defects in the heart.  Two can be surgically corrected.  The VSD and restriction of the artery.  We were always told that he had two very large holes that were patched with dacron and your heart material grows over it creating a seals that lasts.  And it has.  We were also told that his artery was not narrow, but built up with muscle and they would just have to cut out the extra to allow unoxygenated blood to be oxygenated.   He was also told two years ago that he could play sports, including football, afterall.

After 13 years and the same doctor we were told yesterday that the replaced valve was leaking significantly.  Hold it, back up.  What replaced valve?  No one EVER told us this.  And I'm pretty sure he didn't misread the records because he told me the exact name of the valve they used.  Valves only last so long.  They no longer use the one he has and the new ones only last 7-10 years.  We were told he has far exceeded the life of a valve at 13 years post surgery.  I didn't ask near enough questions.  I was kind of shocked by it all.  We drove home, talked a bit, but both were shocked so I dropped him off so I could return to work.  I had a meeting and had that out of body feeling/experience.  I did not feel there at all.  The girl next to me knew what I had been told and she knew I wasn't there. 

I went home and talked to Cole.  I told him it was okay to cry and grieve what he just lost.  The tears flowed immediately.  I felt so horrible for him.  I don't know what to tell him.  There's a huge difference between putting your infant into open-heart and your 13-15 year old.  He knows what's going to happen or has enough of an idea to be scared and I hate that he's so scared.  Today I spent my lunch time and breaks calling around trying to get answers to the questions I've had since yesterday afternoon.  They're going to rereview his records to explain how much has changed since last year, if any, and I'll hopefully be able to decide if we want a 3rd opinion or not.  After work I took him for a chest xray so the pediatric cardiologist could review and decide how enlarged his heart has gotten from the leakage. 

Last week I had a 13 year old boy preparing to play football for the first time and by yesterday it was all taken away, his heart was broken (literally) and I'm in a state of confusion over it all.  Then, I also found out at work that our insurance is going up so much that I'll be taking a $200-300/month pay cut and well...bills may not get paid.  That's just too much for us.  They decided we should pay a premium per child per month after 15 years of employment.

I talked to my son after his xray, on the drive home and told him we're just going to have to believe that everything's going to be okay.  We can't focus and constantly worry about the bad.  It doesn't get you anywhere.  I've been there done that.  So we're both just trying to focus on it all only when we need to.

For fun, this is my son just about a week after his first open-heart surgery.  The day we arrived home from the hospital in December 1997.

He looks like such a little fan

Jaemin has been very interested in the bandana we got in Korea.  I'm thinking one of these days I can get him to trade it for his paci.  :)  But, for now he's wanting it on his head to sleep with.  This night he actually kept it on.

안녕히가세요

This is what my 4 yo said to me as I walked out of her room last night.  So proud of her.  A lady at a local Chinese restaurant, who was born in Korea, taught the girls how to say goodbye.  Chelsi asked me if Ok would know, so I told her to ask her.  And, of course, Ok obliged.  The girls and I always tell each other saranghaeyo (사랑해요) at bedtime.  Last night she said goodbye to me in perfect Korean.
리사

Twist of 4th

Yes, today marks the independence of America.  I finally got a US flag for Mother's Day and my husband came home early that Friday to put it on the porch for me.  It made our house look or feel more of a home.  I don't know why because we've lived here for 14 years.  The day he put it up I posted how excited I was to get it and said I just needed a Korean flag now.  My cousin, who is military, saw it and promptly sent one to his parents (for me) from overseas. 

We finally got a chance to go to their house to pick it up this weekend and we got it put up this weekend.  Had to figure out a way to fly it on a porch post, but we googled until we found a way.  When we pulled out of the garage last night and the girls saw it they ooohhed and ahhhed over it.  I love it.  Korea is an important representation of our American family, even on this immensely patriotic holiday.  One reason we could even adopt from Korea and have that freedom is because of our independence.  So in a way, it seemed like a good weekend to fly our new flag.  We also celebrated with one last baseball game, bleacher seats are the only way to go with a family of 7, and a parade. 

Though I understand that because of today we have the right to vote, etc. it was kind of a downer for the parade to be completely filled with everyone and their brother running for offices of various sorts.  There were virtually 2 floats that weren't related and NO bands.  Last year was so much better.  The fire trucks were the hit this year for our kiddos.  Then, of course, we went to a friends and set off fireworks and relaxed around a fire while the kids played tag and listened to a friend play guitar for us all.  VERY RELAXING!!

My long awaited flags.

 

Waiting for the parade to begin.

Taking in a great game!

Conspicuous Families

Most people within the adoption world hear 'conspicuous families' and think automatically of those that built their family through adoption and transracial adoption especially.  Because, as it states, they are conspicuous.  But, when I say it, I mean it because we're large.  True, they're probably still, sometimes at least, noticing us because of our utterly beautiful children, but usually the looks we get are as we all 7 file through somewhere or they see kids continually piling out of the van.

We're not the Duggars or any crazy large family, but for a family with two working parents we are large.  The comments I dislike the most, and it's mostly from people we at least somewhat know, is "are you done yet" or "when I see you next year are you going to have another one with you".  They never sound nice....not context or tone.  I'm not really sure what they're implying, if anything, but it never makes me feel comfortable.  I almost always (if I'm in a decent enough mood) reply with "well, we're not planning anymore, but we didn't plan 5 either". 

Would it really be so bad if we had another child?  Is it that crazy...really?  And no, we have no intentions of adopting again and the other way is surgically impossible.  But, would we if we were to receive a sibling call again?  I really don't know.  The point is, you don't ask a woman who gives birth that question, so why ask a family who adopts? 

So while we do have crazy beautiful children and are so in love with our family exactly as it is we do not plan more, but please don't continually ask us.  We're not freaks of nature because we have 5 children.  I know there are plenty of families that exist with more.  I can't even begin to imagine the looks they get.  Maybe they all live in areas that have families like them.  We don't.  A family with 3 kids is large here and 5 is unheard of.  Add to it I reply that I have a full-time job (other than momma) and I get the craziest expressions reflected back on me.

We're a fun lovin' family like any other.  We just know how to manipulate our time to still get so much out of being a family and being together.  Money is not important as long as we pay the bills, so we don't work extra for vacations and perks.  We just make the best of what we have with what we have and each other.  See, we're NORMAL!

Lisa

Is it inevitable?

Okay, so the reality is that it isn't 100%, but I also know it's possible.  I mean that my 3 youngest will have issues with having been adopted and from another country.  We have an international adoption group where we live.  There are only about 4-5 of us that have Korean born children, so we generally do things with the Chinese adoption group too because they're SO much bigger than us.  We don't get together often though.  Everyone just has so much going on.  We were together last fall and all the moms with the oldest adoptees there (my oldest daughter's ages and slightly older) were talking about not being the 'real' mom.  Not that they regard themselves that way at all, but I guess the girls have said something to that effect to them when they were angry.  I couldn't help but wonder, after that conversation, if my time was coming?  My kids have never said anything even remotely directed that way.

Now, I'm also not sure if the family make up has anything to do with it.  In the families conversing their girls were the only adopted children.  We're pretty much the biggest family in the entire group and definitely the only one with more than 2 adoptees.  So, does having your family make up the way we do help??  Of course, we really won't know these answers for many years to come.

For now, we're just very open with all 5 kids about anything they want to talk about.  I'm not a hem haw around the subject kind of person with my kids.  I’m with others, but not my kids.  I'm very direct and to the point.  They are allowed to ask or tell me anything and if I get them alone they all will.  I try to do dishes with the older ones alone from time-to-time.  It's a great time to talk.  I watch the girls' shows with them and we chitchat...you know i-Carly, etc.  So far they've never questioned their place in this world.  Could it be because no one ever says well you look just like your mom/dad to our older boys?  We don't get this much because we used to actually get asked if our oldest daughter was biologically ours.  Could it be because of my dark, almost black, eyes?  Could it be because out of our 5 kids none of them look exactly alike but actually have resemblances to each other?

So far, Jaemin is the only one that almost seems enamored with Asians.  He watches and smiles when other Asians are around.  Except the family at swim lessons.  For some reason he's very shy around them and clings to me.  The girls don't pick out differences very often.  Every once in awhile Chelsi questions 'what someone is' if she sees someone that is darker, but her aunt is Caribbean so she's used to seeing darker complexions.  I guess I also wonder if because all of my kids are well liked within their school and social circles if that has just helped them out some.  I know it would have given me self-esteem that I really never gained.

Only time will really tell, but we'll continue to talk until then, anytime they need or seem to want it even if without saying.

Cravings

No, not the pregnant kind.   I wouldn't do that again anyways.  :0)

I've been home a lot with sick kiddos, so I try really hard to cook when I am home.  We don't eat out, but my husband does all the cooking since he's home before me everyday.  I was asking Kaelin the other day, while we were at the grocery store, what she wanted for supper and she has some fairly standard answer, but one of them...or at least that day....was bulgogi.  I like it, but not one of my favorites.  We roasted sausage and red potatoes instead that night, but Chase said he has been wanting bibimbap.  We were talking about the Japaense restaurant we went to for Jaemin's Gotcha Day celebration.  It actually serves a couple of Korean dishes because the owners are Korean.  Cole was trying to figure out if the restaurant's bibimbap tasted like mine.  Chase was like 'oh no, theirs is much better'.  Well, I don't really know how to make the sauce that goes on it or if I can get the ingredients since we're nowhere near a grocery store like that.  But, my bibimbap is still pretty good!

Chapjae is definitely one of the easiest for me to make though.  We don't use squid like they do at the church we go to every Spring for Children's Day.  I'm telling you, the food they cook for Children's Day is amazing.  It's a whole smorgasbord of  Korean food; including 2 kimchis.  We ALWAYS let them put everything on our plates.  It's just plain delicious and all of us look forward to the 2 hour trek to go to it every year. 

But, I digress.  I haven't made it in a month or so, but sigeuchi namul is a favorite here too.  We actually eat it with our regular family dishes lile spaghetti or meatloaf.  This is Jaemin's favorite!!!  He loves spinach like this and can eat it by the handful.  It takes two big bags of spinach to make enough for our family and, of course, the rice that goes with it.  That rice cooker was an awesome gift a couple of years ago.

Hmmm....all this talk has me really craving some Korean.  I'm gonna have to get me some veggies so I can make something.  YUM!!  Now, if I could only just buy some cucumber kimchi to go with it!

Lisa

No go

The lady at the Korean restaurant left us a message while we were in church to let us know she officially couldn't find anyone with time to teach Korean.  I guess I knew it was coming since it had been a couple of weeks or so, but still a little disappointed.  Of course, it's not in her, but just circumstances.  I'll need some kid friendly videos so we can learn together.  Wish we had a K school nearby for us.    Just have to plug away online.  And I'm sure it's disappointed me way more than the kids.  They don't say too much about it at all.  So as my favorite saying goes; it is what it is.

Lisa

Korean Artwork

While we do have some actual prints by and Korean artists or portraying Korean life, here is what I'm having printed at Walmart.  Then, I'm going to get an 8x10 frame for the big one and 4x6s for the random pics from Korea.  I love how they all turned out.  I'm going to put them in some sort of cluster on our wall as art since I can't afford anything else.  But, then again, what's better than those great memories?

A little dose

I think my husband had one of those 'ah ha' moments last night.  You know..the ones where you say something and then you go 'ohhhhhh'. 

We went to a work barbeque and were talking to one of the clients he knows.  He's 1/2 Chinese descent.  So, on the way home he says (paraphrasing) 'you know, every time I talk to S I expect him to speak with an accent even though I know him and then out comes this gruff voice'.  See, S was born here and has been in the US all his life.

I looked at my husband and he was just puzzled why I was giving him the duh look.  I told him...what do you think your 3 youngest are going to hear one day?  When we're not around and they're older I'm sure at some point in their lives someone will tell them how great their English is and without any accent....other than a little southernish twang.  He never even realized it.  You can definitely tell who browses the internet and who only gets on when ABSOLUTELY necessary.  :)

What's left to try?

I have tried for about 4 years or more to find a way to learn Korean.  I have taught myself some via the internet (and people over the internet) as well as a dictionary, other books and a program the local library had.  I've heard Rosetta Stone is good, but for the amount of money it costs I'm not sure it would be good enough to teach me.  I have tried to find locals. 

I've left voicemails for the churches that are about an hour from our home (the closest ones) and I've received no calls back.  I've asked around too.  I've left messages with a couple of Korean ladies that work and own a couple of restaurants here.  Neither has time or interest in teaching, but they've been unable to find anyone either.  I finally asked one lady a couple of weeks ago if she knows about how many Koreans there were in our small town and she thought about 15 or so.  WOW!

So, I'm left with no alternatives.  We did have one offer, but it was way more than we could afford.  I get so bummed from time-to-time about this.  It's not just learning for my kids, it's learning for me.  I'm interested.  I can translate the characters, but so much of the grammar is lost on me with honorifics, etc.  Tenses tend to get me too.  I don't ever pretend to expect to be fluent.  I just want to understand enough to get around if I have to.  Especially when we return in a couple of years.  I'm looking so forward to this.  My 13 and 7 year olds have taken an interest and would like to learn too.  I'm able to teach them what little I know, but it's not enough. 

The only thing that gets said on a daily basis is saranghaeyo.  The girls and I (7 and 4) say this to each other every night.  A big part of me hopes that someone will be put in my path to help us.  But, for now, I relent.

Lisa

What's Up?

It's been awhile...I know.  I'm vegging right now because I'm pretty sure I have strep along with 2 of my boys...fun!

Anyways, we've been doing really well.   School is out.  We survived another year.  Sometimes, I'm telling you, it's questionable.  But, all 3 are going to the next grade and two of them with straight As.  YAY Chase and Kaelin.  Cole's weren't bad, so I won't complain.  He did have a C, to which I was not happy, but I'm learning to give him some slack since he's a nonmedicated ADHD child.  Give him some credit, ya know.  Both older boys went to football camp.  They both had a blast!  As long as our new pediatric cardiologist gives Cole the all clear, he and Chase will both play football this fall. 

So, medically, Ms. Chelsi has been seeing specialists to investigate her chronic UTIs since she came home.  We still have no answers, but did find out she has an anomaly with her kidneys.  It may or may not be the culprit though.  For now, she's on constant cranberry juice until we work through everything else there is to try.  Cole is going to a new pediatric cardiologist after 13 years.  Big change for us....all his life.  But, his doc is retiring and I am way less than impressed with the replacement they're getting, so we switched to a different children's hospital.  Thank God we live in an area with pretty decent choices for our size.  I'm excited to meet the new guy and hear what he has to say.  Maybe a different take.  And I hear the pediatric tech is excited to get her hands on Cole since he has full situs inversus.  She was in heaven.

So far this summer we have gone to the zoo and taken the kids to a baseball game.  It was Jaemin's first and he was AWESOME!  He did great on the long drive there and back as well as at the game.  He people watched, cheered and slept.  What a good boy!  Chelsi made friends with the guys in front of us.  They were way impressed that such a small girl could 'charge' and cheer so loudly....all on her own.  She's a fan, what can we say.

We celebrated Jaemin's one year home too.  I just reminisced in my head all the days in Seoul and the feelings seeing my boy, in person, for the first time.  We ate Korean and had a great day.  I think he knew it was all about him. 

Jaemin is, well, great!  He is really starting to bud his personality now.  He's showing us the jokester and happy baby in there.  His new word this week was "hhaa  pppyyy".  I asked if he was a happy boy and he nodded and repeated it.  I would want one of his first words to be nothing different than for him to tell me he was happy.

Lisa

Questions?? Do you have some?

I'm going to try something different.  At work, we're having to do a little interview for our intranet so that we can be familiar with each other.  While, I think it's very helpful to know the work background each of us has, both present and past, I'm a fairly private person.  So I won the lottery for April and got to be the first from my area to do the interview and there were a lot more questions than just work related.  Lucky for me, my friend who is also very private did my interview and understood me not giving out every detail of my life.  I don't mind talking to people, more one on one because I like to share if it might help someone, etc. but not just have it out there.  I know you're thinking...you blog lady!  But, do any of you 'know' where I live, etc.?  I blog to share, diary and inspire, but try to do so without giving out the details of where exactly we live, etc. for my children.  So, I opted not to give my children and husband's names or the fact that 3 were adopted.  That's not really necessary for someone at work that doesn't know me to know about me.  If they want to know me...just ask.  I will share if personally asked...in the right manner that is.

So, I'm going to open this up to questions.  This could be dangerous as I may find I have no readers.  I don't know.  I will not answer is crazy personal or just crazy, but if you honestly have a question, ask away.  I know a lot of people are very curious about adoption and after 3 I'm pretty good with the ins and outs of Korean adoption.

Try me.

Lisa