Written By: Jeanie Chang
My daughter just turned 10 years old and is in fifth grade. All of
a sudden, I’m dealing with pre-teen/teen issues! Toward the latter
half of fourth grade, I realized I needed to have “the talk” with her
very soon.
Years ago, a pastor’s wife who I looked up to, told me a good time
to have “the birds and the bees” talk with your child was age 8
regardless if you’re a boy or a girl. The mother should speak with the
daughter and the father should speak with his son. Well, my daughter
turned 8 and I avoided the issue because I thought she was too immature
to handle it. I realize now that I should’ve had that talk because by 4th
grade, your child will hear about it or something along the lines from
their friends especially those friends with older siblings!
This past spring, I was getting questions like “What’s a period?”
and “When do you start wearing a bra?” I couldn’t handle those
questions and ran away from them! To help me out, I got the American
Girl book, The Care & Keeping of You:The Body Book for Girls.
I had heard it was a very useful resource for many moms. Plus, my
daughter loves American Girl. (If your daughter isn’t of age yet,
beware of those American Girl dolls!) The book has turned out to be an
excellent resource for both of us!
I wish I had spoken to my daughter when she was 8 years old so she’d
hear everything from me first, but alas I was too chicken. So, she
heard various things this past spring from friends and on the bus and I
just turned a deaf ear cringing each time and avoiding the issue! Yes,
I couldn’t believe I was acting just like my own 1st
generation Korean mom! Shame on me. I wanted to have a much better
communication system with my daughter than I did with my mom. Anyways,
that’s another topic. My daughter’s birthday was August 13 and for her
10th birthday, I made lunch reservations at the American Girl Café at the American Girl store on 5th
Avenue in New York City to celebrate the occasion. I planned on having
“the talk.” I think it went well. We talked about the changes in her
body that she’d be experiencing, about having her period and what it
is. I just didn’t touch on the subject of sex because she’s still too
immature for that subject and I didn’t want to start her thinking
anything! Okay, I was too chicken!
I could tell she was listening to me, but not really that
interested. I think she was having such a good time being at the
American Girl store she was a bit distracted. My daughter had her 10
year physical this past week and the doctor noticed her breast buds and
talked about the changes her body was going through and how she was
expected to have her period in about two years. My jaw dropped to the
floor because I couldn’t believe it was just two years. Anyways, my
daughter seemed to be listening very intently to her pediatrician. I
love my pediatrician! I wish she had spoken to my daughter first!
Apparently after her physical she went to school and told her friends
that her breast buds popped out. She also discussed what a period is
to her friends. This was on the school bus and during recess. A
friend of mine (the mother of one of my daughter’s close friends) told
me this because her daughter came home with a wealth of information
from my daughter! Thank goodness she had already had this talk with
her daughter this summer. I was mortified. One important note: my
daughter told her friend that I never discussed what a period is with
her!!! Hello? What was that whole conversation at American Girl Café
on her birthday? I guess she wasn’t listening to me.
Well, I’m sure I’ll be having more talks with my daughter as she
enters the teens and I hope to be as communicative and open as I can
be.
For those of you who would like more resources on how to speak to your daughter about this. Please check these out:
- The Care & Keeping of You: The Body Book for Girls (American Girl Library)
- The Feelings Book: The Care & Keeping of Your Emotions (American Girl)
- Is This Normal?: Girls Questions, Answered by the Editors of the Care & Keeping of You (American Girl)
- Period. A Girl’s Guide by Joann Loulan
- Bringing Up Girls: Practical Advice and Encouragement for those Shaping the Next Generation of Women by James C. Dobson